Sunday, January 7, 2018

During a Harsh Spanking

A lot of things go through my mind during a harsh spanking. Most of these things are to be expected, although when I stopped to really think about it there was a thing or two that surprised even me. Two nights ago I received quite a harsh spanking, and as I went through the usual emotions it got me thinking that articulating my mental process might be worthy of a blog post. So here goes!

1) When the spanking is about to start or just starting:
I don’t actually want this.
We’ve been practicing DD long enough that I no longer second guess the overall process, but rather the spanking that is about to happen. Not that I spend my days just itching for a harsh spanking, but there are definitely times where I know that it would help me or us. In those moments I always recognize the truth that it is worth the discomfort, but when I am actually in position and on the receiving end of Bruce’s strikes all I can think about is how idiotic I am for ever wanting any part of this. Why experience pain like that if I don’t have to, right? That’s definitely the first place my mind usually goes.

2) After a few strikes:
I have to take this and be still.
I’m sure everyone is different, but it is really hard for me to mentally benefit from a spanking when I am physically fighting it the whole time. I don’t mean literally fighting against Bruce, but fighting the discomfort by kicking my feet against the ground/bed/whatever, repeatedly lifting my head, and sometimes even pulling up onto my elbows (bad, I know). But I should add that even though it is ideal and most effective for me to mentally benefit, Bruce and I have agreed that this is not the only purpose of a spanking- sometimes Bruce just needs to exert dominance, sometimes a punishment just needs to be completed, etc. Nonetheless, I am a far sweeter, more thankful, contrite, and submissive when I’ve been fully present mentally during a spanking.

3) Once the spanking has really gotten started:
I deserve this.

We both work hard at our marriage, and most of the time we do right by each other. Sometimes one or both of us is awful, but we try to avoid that or at least learn from it as much as possible. But regardless of how good or bad we are to each other, Bruce is such a good man, and  I have decided that I want a marriage dynamic where he is the boss and I treat him with respect. Me- I’m the one who first wanted this! And I’m not a terrible wife, but the unfortunate tru th is, especially lately, a lot of times I completely lose sight of this hierarchy that I value. I respect him a thousand times more than, say, my boss, but some of the things I say to him I would never even dream of saying to my boss. Or even a coworker for that matter! Shame on me. I want this relationship dynamic, so I want the accountability required to stick to it. And when I can’t handle myself accordingly, I deserve that accountability. Remembering this helps me SO MUCH. It helps me be still, it helps me get my heart and my head back to where I want them to be, and best of all it helps me really reconnect with my soul mate.

4) Once I really can’t take anymore:
I am really not in control here.

I admit this realization is a bit scary sometimes, but oddly enough it is all the more freeing. When the spanking has reached a place that I’m really not comfortable with, it becomes undeniable that a) Bruce is absolutely in control (no topping from the bottom here!), and b) I am totally a passenger. Ok yeah, a passenger in a not so pleasant ride, but in my daily life this is the only time that I have no responsibility or decisions to make, and it forces me to be 100% in the moment. Once we are both really present in such a physical act as this, all of the irrelevant nonesense between us just melts away. At this point my thought process is something like... My bottom hurts so badly, and there is nothing I can do about it... I trust that he is in control because I trust him... I love that he clearly wants the same relationship dynamic that I do... he is doing this crazy thing because he loves me... it is surprisingly freeing to give up control... I love when he is in charge... I love the connection we share... I love this man so much...

Isn’t it interesting that nowhere in this process do I ever think “this is really hot.” Of course, I do actually think it’s hot, but I’m realizing that I never think this while a harsh spanking is actually occurring. Now a more bearable sexy-spanking, oh yes! But with a harsh spanking this never really goes through my mind until it’s all over. (Of course, once it’s over that thought most definitely does go through my mind :))

So there it is. Yep, it probably sounds pretty weird and sort of awful from an outsiders perspective. But it is so not! I’m so convicted of this that I am happy to discuss with anyone who can’t quite see where I’m coming from, either privately or via comment, but otherwise I will just leave it at that. Speaking of comments, any other submissive wives out there ever think any of these things during a harsh spanking? If so feel free to share!

Sunday, December 17, 2017

Interview with JGirl :)

Merry Christmas All! JGirl and her Taming of the Shrew Blog (blog reel to the right) is quite probably the most read DD Blog in existence. Now part of that is because she is well-written and just generally a fantastic woman, but I really believe that a major factor in the blog’s popularity can be attributed to the [honest] documentation of a real, long-term, successful D/s relationship. Let’s be honest, this lifestyle is higher maintenance than just being with someone, and hard work isn’t necessarily something humanity flourishes in so... a lot of D/s relationships seem to fizzle once the honeymoon phase wears off and the hard work really begins. But not so for JGirl and her husband Jason! They have been at this for a long time, and they have committed to working hard to make it work. And so it does :)

Anyway, about a month or so ago she interviewed me about living the lifestyle. We both got some positive feedback from that, so I thought interviewing the true veteran would be even better. Here are my interview questions about what it’s like to live this lifestyle long term, and JGirl’s responses below. I love her answers, particularly #7 and #8. Lots of wisdom here- hopefully you feel the same. Happy Reading!

1. What is the biggest benefit you see from having lived this lifestyle for a few years now?
I think the biggest benefit is really how close we are. Since we wrap up any discord pretty quickly, we hardly ever have any unresolved issues between us. We are able to talk through anything, and we understand each other so well now. After years of learning how to communicate and meet each other’s needs, it’s really brought us so much closer together. And because he’s literally the Dom of my dreams, I find him super hot, which is really fun. ;)

2. What remains your biggest challenge?
Busyness. With a large family and both of us working, we have to work incredibly hard at finding time for each other. About 90% of our issues stem from not having time to communicate effectively because of other commitments. Then, our commitments drain us, and we find we don’t always have the energy we need for each other. We have to be very intentional about finding time to connect, but it’s a constant effort.

3. Describe an initial challenge the two of you faced that is mostly nonexistent by now.
Understanding why I wanted this. I struggled so hard with feeling like I was weird or a freak because I wanted him to not only dominate but discipline me. It took years of self-exploration and working things out with Jason before I had peace with that. From his perspective, he didn’t understand it all either. Now, we never question why. We both understand it well and embrace it. It’s become such a part of who we are, and the fruits of the lifestyle are abundantly clear.

4. How has your sex life generally changed/improved long-term?
It’s a hundred times better! Ok, before it was also largely impacted by having babies and lack of sleep, and now that are kids are older that isn’t as much of an issue. But we’re both erotically attracted to the power exchange, so even snuggling and talking over rules turns us both on! He spanks me regularly to keep me sane and in my submissive place, and we’re both so turned on by spanking that that helps, too. Also, I’m no longer self conscious about my body around him. I’m not allowed to criticize my body, and the frequent lovemaking has helped me be comfortable in my own skin.

5. From your perspective, why does this lifestyle work?
I could probably write an essay on this. Also, it works differently for different people. For our purposes here, I’m going to assume we mean the lifestyle in which there is one partner in authority as the dominant, and another as the submissive. I personally feel it works for many reasons. First, because it’s an agreed-upon imbalance of power, the couple is still on equal footing. Delegating authority to one doesn’t negate the other’s self worth. If it did, it wouldn’t work the way it does. Second, giving one partner authority means that there is no room for dissension, no power struggle. So problems are fairly easily resolved. Third, most of us find this lifestyle erotic, so it increases the connection between the two, bringing about a depth in relationship they may not have found before. Fourth, when we embrace mutual self-giving, both are fulfilled. The dominant partner’s need to protect, guide, and lead are met, the submissive partner’s need to be protected, guided, and led are met. That changes from couple to couple, though. Some really are just in this so they can pursue their own goals, and having the accountability allows that. When this lifestyle works, with years of practice, we can become the best we hope for, with a solid, loving relationship to boot.

6. What’s the most prevalent misconception you’ve faced about the lifestyle?
There are many. From the outside world? That it’s wrong. That adults shouldn’t discipline one another or seek discipline, and that those who do are somehow disordered.
From those inside the world? That it’s easy. It isn’t. It’s one of the most challenging things Jason and I have ever done. The payoff is tremendous, but it takes so much work to get there.

7. Is there any advice you feel would have saved you a lot of heartache back in the beginning?
Yes, and it’s the advice I frequently now give. If you want to submit, don’t expect him to make you. Choose to submit on your own. Don’t make this all about you. The only person you can control is yourself, so focus on your own submission, and the dominance will usually follow.

8. Do you have any words of advice for couples that aren’t new to the lifestyle but still aren’t as settled as you and Jason?
Yes. After the honeymoon period is over, you tend to hit the hardest part of all. In order for this to work at this stage, it becomes essential for each partner to focus heavily on meeting the needs of the other. My advice would be for both partners to find ways of meeting the needs of the other as best they can. Dominants, this often means paying more attention to your submissive, focusing less on your own needs and more on hers. Submissives, this often means obedience in areas you don’t like, focusing less on your own needs and more on his.

9. What is the biggest change you’ve seen in Jason over the years?
He’s so much hotter! Lol No, really, I’ve always been attracted to him, but now that he’s in this position of authority, because I’m submissively wired, I find him so hot. I melt into a little puddle on the regular! He’s also far more self confident and happier than he’s ever been.

10. What is the biggest change you have seen in yourself? 
I am happy and fulfilled. I struggled for years with a negative self image and poor self worth. Though I still struggle with those things, I wake up most days happy with my life, and eager to take things on. I’m gentler with myself in some ways. Though I am goal-oriented and fairly driven, I don’t allow the self criticism as often as I used to. Now that I’m not as mired in my self worth issues, I find it easier to pursue my dreams, easier to focus on what I’m thankful for, and easier to see the beauty in the every day.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Why It’s Worth It

Hey all. If you follow my blog at all you know that Bruce and I aren’t exactly in a Rainbows and Butterflies phase of DD right now. Nonetheless, even in our currently exhausted, stressed, and not-necessarily-fulfilled state, I am a believer in the value of this lifestyle. Let me share why.

First let me say that I hate the current societal movement of “tolerance” for everyone’s views to the point of rejecting personal conviction. Don’t get me wrong, people that lack empathy or cannot respect other points of view are the worst of the worst. But have you ever really considered the flaw in the “whatever’s right for you” mentality when it comes to foundational things like religion or ethics? It’s obviously not okay to shove your world views on other people, but it’s hardly a personal conviction if you can’t assert that you believe it to be an over-arching truth. In example, if a person of (any) faith does not believe that everyone’s lives would be enriched by ascribing to it, then is it really a belief system at all? As a Christian I believe that having a sincerely Christian worldview would optimize anybody’s life, and that spreading this worldview would make the world a better place. I would think that all people of faith would feel the same.

I do totally get that DD itself is not for everyone- that’s definitely not where I’m going with this. And again I have to reiterate that I DO NOT believe that DD is even remotely suggested anywhere in Biblical scripture. It is a 100% man-made system and very likely has plenty of flaws and pitfalls.

But I DO believe that the husband being the head of the household is scriptural. And since I am a Christian I believe that God suggests this model for marriage because He himself built men and women with different strengths, and He knew that those strengths would play out for everyone’s benefit in this way. If men are to lead and women are to bear and nurse children, it stands to reason that men were made to be stronger decision-makers, and women were made to be stronger nurturers. (And by the way can anyone seriously argue that one is more valuable than the other? I hate when people complain that this concept suggests that men are “better” or “more important,” because it most certainly does not.) I believe this to be an over-arching truth. And while DD is quirky and possibly questionable, it does, in it’s own quirky way, support this truth.

Here are the reasons why I think that DD ends up being effective:
1) DD reinforces a man’s strength in leading. This is particularly significant in a society that ferociously denies and represses even the existence of such a strength in men.
2) DD creates a hierarchy. Just like in a work environment, having a system, a designated decision-maker, makes everything run more smoothly. Hierarchies are effective!
3) The whole spanking bit is just plain hot. I even suggest that the physicality of it highlights the attractive qualities of both a man and a woman. But regardless, it jazzes up intimacy in a fantastically unique way.

Now of course I have an example that supports this idea :) Last night Bruce and I were in a heated disagreement about sports. Finally Bruce asserted his view one last time, and declared that we would have to agree to disagree. I wanted to reiterate my view, but landing over his knee was a possible outcome in that scenario, so I didn’t. I also wanted to tell him that we should talk further in hopes of finally seeing eye-to-eye, but I knew that overriding his decision to end the conversation would end in my being spanked, so I didn’t do that either. Instead I simply closed my mouth and climbed under the covers. He changed the subject, and a moment later he pressed up behind me and put his arms around me. What an infinitely better moment to be sharing than the alternative of continuing a technical discussion of statistics that almost certainly would have escalated in a bad way!

I lay there thinking “Yep, in the end this really is the way to go.” And then just as I began drifting off to sleep Bruce patted my bottom and pleasantly promised a spanking for today. I asked him why, and he cited reinforcing our roles, then simply said that it’s been a while. I guess it has been over a week since we’ve done any role-reinforcing. So here I am, knowing exactly what will happen before the night is over. But even though I dread the discomfort and dislike the inability to control how my evening ends, role-reinforcement isn’t so bad; it’s hot, it’s effective, and it allows us to reconnect. Besides, as it turns out I actually really like our roles :)

Sunday, November 19, 2017

When It Just Doesn't Work

We all know that DD is intense; emotionally and even physically it's a huge commitment. And like all intense things, there are times when you think "Maybe this isn't what I want after all." I can count on one hand the amount of times I have felt this way about DD. But two nights ago I was definitely wondering whether we've made the right call to commit to doing this.

I know I really sound like a broken record, but it is impossible not to preface 90% of my current thoughts and experiences on DD with the fact that we are in a really busy year of our lives right now. A blessed, sweet, sweet time for sure, but Bruce is essentially committed time and energy-wise to the equivalent of two full-time jobs, so my working full time while we have two under two is especially intense.

So Friday night I snapped. I can't remember the last time I spoke to Bruce that way, so needless to say I found myself bent over the bed in a lot of discomfort in no time at all. Boy was it a harsh spanking. I knew I deserved it and I tried to take it well, but it just somehow felt isolating and sad. The whole beauty of DD is that it prevents the isolation and disconnect of stonewalling, but once the spanking was over I felt more alone than ever. As always he had hugged me while I cried, but it frankly didn't feel like we were reconnecting like we usually do. So as he got back to what he was doing (as usual he had work to do) I couldn't stop thinking about how I had just gone through all of this emotional and physical upset only to come out as disconnected as ever. At least stonewalling isn't overwhelming and painful, right?

But the real question was why didn't I feel loved and reconnected with my husband as usual? The answer, we've decided now in retrospect, is that neither of us had extended as much grace as usual to the other. And as anyone successfully practicing DD knows, a LOT of grace is required on both ends in order for this whole thing to actually work effectively. My disrespect was extreme, totally devoid of grace to begin with, and although he was controlled and calm the spanking he gave lacked true forgiveness (grace) as well. Of course to put it simply I just shouldn't ever talk to my husband that way. But in the few instances where I have been exceptionally out of line in the past, Bruce generally remains gracious in his reaction. If it's hard to imagine a gracious spanking, suffice it to say that I feel very loved and forgiven when it is all over. Yes it feels pretty awful to be punished, but I can deal with that awful intensity because when the spanking is over so is our disconnect, in totality. But this time the grace just wasn't there, and we just didn't really reconnect.

So tonight once the kids were in bed and I was straightening the kitchen, I asked Bruce to help me articulate what the takeaway of the whole thing was. He reiterated that I just really can't talk to him that way, but said that the bottom line was that due to our considerable stress we just weren't at all gracious to each other, so it just didn't work. I asked him if he felt confident that we could avoid that situation in the future, and in his very frank way (a quality that I have come to both love and hate) he simply said "I hope so." But then he reminded me that no matter what, we'll eventually figure it out. And he's right; so DD was ineffective and upsetting last time. Maybe at some point it will be again. But we are committed to each other so I know that we'll find a way to work it out; we always do.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

Punishment and Exhaustion

Last night I asked Bruce what I should blog about. We had a truly insane week, filled with unusually stressful work situations for both of us (because of this I got a pass for posting last Sunday, so here I am tonight). Anyway, I asked him what I should write about because DD seems to be very blah for us right now. When I told him this he seemed to understand- he asked if I meant how things feel uneventful right now because we're just trying to make it, and I said yes. As we are in our most exhausting season of life thus far, we both know that we definitely don't use DD enough. Just a few minutes before typing this Bruce commented that we really need to get on a better maintenance schedule so that I can have a better attitude more easily. He wasn't complaining about anything I've done, he really was just commenting on the need for more maintenance, and I know he's right. It sounds too exhausting right now, but it helps us reconnect, and it helps us maintain our roles better. And when we do that everything runs smoother; we get more done, we function better with our babies, and we enjoy our time more. DD truly helps our marriage on a lot of levels! But the exhaustion makes it hard to keep up on it. Especially regarding keeping up on punishments, as these take even more emotional and physical energy (for both of us) than maintenance.

So imagine my reaction when, after my most insane day last week, we collapsed into bed and he told me it was time for my punishment (for sassing and overreacting, my specialty...). We literally had just gotten home and put the babies to bed, and it was so late that we went straight to bed after that. At first I thought he was kidding, but he wasn't. I begged to postpone it for another time, and I seriously would have cried right then if I wasn't so incredibly tired.

It was no surprise when the spanking began just as harshly as ever, but I just could not take it on any level- emotionally, physically, mentally. He used the strap and the lexan paddle, and the harshness easily sent me past my tolerance limit. Having no control and feeling unable to take the discomfort, I began crying in no time at all. In some part of my brain I did feel a sense of relief at being forced to submit to him, but most of me just felt completely overwhelmed. Of course things wouldn't have been much different even if he would have chosen a different night; every night that week was nuts. Still, it was just so intense to go through at that point. When it was finally over he painfully but passionately initiated intimacy (which ended very nicely to say the least), and when it was over he held me. Where I usually process the entire thing in a way that leaves me feeling clear and fulfilled, I laid in his arms feeling... exhausted. I hadn't had the energy to process fully or really much at all. Still, some part of me was fulfilled, particularly in the fact that we had just connected exclusively. Whatever the spanking was, it didn't include my work stresses or his, it didn't even include our babies or the home tasks that needed completed. It was just about him and me, and our interaction with each other.

When I had asked Bruce for ideas on what to write about since we were kind of in a just-getting-by mode, he had eventually suggested I write about what just-getting-by DD looks like for us. So there it is. It isn't perfect- it's inconsistent and doesn't leave as powerful an impact as it could, but it IS still present. We are still connecting and still devoting energy to each other, which is more than I can say for a lot of couples during this stage of life. So all things considered, I'll definitely take that. Which is good, especially considering that, as Bruce would say, it isn't really up to me to begin with ;)

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Just for me

Whew, rough week. A lot of things just didn't go well, and it left me asking myself why exactly I want to be a submissive wife. An easy mental response to that question is to tick off all of the external factors that are often connected: because it works, because it’s sexy, because my husband "deserves" it, because the reward is worth the work...

The above mentioned things are all legitimately connected to submission, and I am blessed to be able to identify them in my life most of the time. But the fact is that they are not always present; sometimes it isn't sexy. Sometimes it doesn't work. Sometimes Bruce doesn't seem so deserving, and sometimes there is no reward. So what then? There has to be some sort of motivation because submission requires a lot of mental strength, emotional clarity, energy, and most of all a lot of self control. So when those external factors fail you (and they all do at one time or another!) there needs to be a sustainable motivation beneath it all.

Have you ever read Proverbs 31? It's about a wife of noble character, and boy is it humbling to read. Paraphrasing destroys context to a degree, but here are the verses that always stand out to me the most:

Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies.
Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life.
She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life...
She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work...
She is energetic and strong, a hard worker... her lamp burns late into the night...
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.
When she speaks her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.
She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.

Now of course there are plenty of Biblical references that require a lot of men as well, but whew is this a lot; up before dawn, lamps burning into the night, energetic, wise, kind, dignified... as I've mentioned already, aspiring to these things requires a good deal of mental strength, emotional clarity, energy, and self control. But as a Christian I've noticed a theme in all of God's instructions: yes, He wants us to do the right thing simply because it is right, but being our creator He also knows exactly what will bring us long-term, personal fulfillment, and He wants that for us. Yeah it sucks to choose self-control, to be selfless and patient, to work all through the day. But it feels pretty amazing to build others up, to help loved ones, and to enjoy an organized home.

So personal fulfillment, that's a worthy and unwavering motivation. I'm aspiring to submission because I personally desire to be this type of a wife. I also want to be an example for my daughter so that she can also enjoy the kind of long-term fulfillment that these characteristics can bring. Of course we all have to make our own choices and discover things for ourselves, but I would love it if one day she decides to reject society's lie that submission means being a doormat without self-respect, and as a result sees for herself how fulfilling and energizing it can be to yield to another.

I can't always control the external factors, but I can always control me. Be the change you want to see in the world, right? If we all just focused on ourselves the world would run so smoothly. I may not be effectively submissive all of the time, but I can at least aspire to that, and keep improving myself: The struggle is definitely real! But I know I can rise above it, even if only for myself. I do after all love self improvement. And I’m worth it :)

Sunday, October 1, 2017

I Don't Want to Do This!

Submitting is hard. And as we all know, when both partners are spread thin it is hard to feel that one's efforts are being reciprocated. Of course at the end of the day Bruce is using a percentage of what little energy he has left on making sure I feel loved and cherished, and I am spending a similar percentage of my remaining energy trying to make him feel appreciated and respected. But when our needs aren't being fully met due to an overall lack of time and energy, it's hard to feel loved, cherished, appreciated, or respected. And then of course it becomes difficult to even give the energy you had already been giving to build up the other... enter the Crazy Cycle yet again. I admit I am struggling to act respectful due to this perceived lack of reciprocity, and I have no doubt that he is struggling to act lovingly for the exact same reason. I think we both know that either of us singularly hold the power to set the cycle spinning in the opposite direction, but boy is it hard to be the one to step up to the plate in the midst of all of the other things we need to be doing right now.

Last night Bruce and I sat in my son's nursery like we do every night; me nursing my son and he holding my daughter. It was story time and we were reading the Dr. Seuss classic "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish." It's really a pretty random book, and towards the end Bruce read a page that asked the reader if they had done any of the things described. It followed the question by saying:

If you never did, you should; these things are fun, and fun is good.

Although I think we both get the spirit of the quote, it hit us a bit differently based on where we're at right now in life. After reading the above line Bruce lowered the book, looked at me, and said "That's really great logic, especially for a kids' book... 'yeah, I'm not gonna do that because it's not fun'... what a world it would be if we all decided to live that way." He said it lightheartedly and I sort of chuckled with him, but I thought more about it after story time was over. Everyday really is an awesome day because we are in love and have two healthy babies. But there are so many times throughout the week where I explicitly think "I don't want to do this." For example waking up at 4:30 every weekday, whittling away at my work to-do list, cleaning up after dinner, washing my breast-pump, choosing respect over reaction... and lately pretty much every time I have to submit to a spanking. Yes, it's always unpleasant to a point, but even maintenance is something I have been dreading lately. I know it brings a much needed reconnect, but even still at the end of the day I am just So. Damn. Tired.

So as the evening wound down last night Bruce told me to head downstairs and wait for a spanking. I knew it was just maintenance, but even maintenance brings a physical and emotional intensity that I simply did not feel capable of handling. I brushed my teeth slowly and felt my heart sink as I entered the room; the looped cane, the strap, and the lexan paddle all lay across the foot of the bed. I whimpered something about saving the blended spankings for punishments, but as he helped me into position he merely said "You get to dictate what happens here?" To make matters worse, he referenced a REALLY stupid joke I had made about my spankings being typically short while her gave me a lengthy, harsh warm-up. Everything within me wanted to be anywhere other than bared over his lap. I squirmed a good deal, but when he started in with the looped cane I forced myself still. When he was finished with that he went on to the paddle, and eventually he finished with the strap, giving long and thorough hand spankings in between each implement. Needless to say the whole thing lasted for well over a few minutes, and it was overwhelming to say the least. By the time it was over I was very uncomfortable, but as it was only maintenance the feeling of being so clearly overpowered felt purely erotic. In fact so much so that I, um, went over the edge without permission, earning me yet another strapping... but I digress. In fact... I admit I only mention that because it was just really incredibly hot ;)

Anyway, when it was all over and I was laying in his arms with a thoroughly heated backside, I found myself thinking as usual that the discomfort and emotional intensity had been worth it after all. The connection we enjoyed as a result of all of that expended physical and emotional energy, THAT was fun. So I guess the bottom line is that all of the not-so-fun things that need done do eventually bring about something that actually IS fun; waking early creates a calm start to my day, my work produces a service that brings a sense of fulfillment, cleaning the kitchen creates a pleasant home environment, etc. So if I view submission in this light, it makes sense to choose respect and service during the times that I'd like to do anything but that; respect makes my man feel the way he should, and eventually that begets loving gestures. It's like my submitting to being spanked last night: the initial unpleasantness of forfeiting control eventually led to a thing that wasn't at all unpleasant, but a thing that was extremely pleasant. In fact, it was downright fun.

And as Dr. Seuss says, fun is good ;)