Sunday, February 15, 2015

How It All Started

I've always worried about how my strong personality would translate should I find a spouse. Well thankfully I did find one, and he is practically perfect; incredibly kind, smart, strong, and self-confident. My favorite part about him is his desire to lead a Godly life, and with that, his humility. He is always willing to take a second look at himself, and comfortably admits when he is wrong. Unfortunately his humility didn't mesh well with my stubborn drive. I found myself arguing, complaining, and even smothering his personality to an extent. We were pretty happy overall, but it felt like we were constantly playing tug-of-war. The breaking point was when I met his colleagues at a get together; they jokingly referred to me as 'boss,' and I was horrified. He should be the boss! Here I had always hoped to be a submissive wife, and I had managed to be the exact opposite. There had to be a change. I started praying harder about being submissive, but I knew I needed to do something as well.

So I did what any intelligent person does when they want to do some deep soul searching; I started wandering aimlessly around the internet. I finally searched 'how to be a more submissive Christian wife,' and found myself staring at a website entitled Christian Domestic Discipline. A lot of what I read made so much sense to me, although that particular site felt a bit like they were trying to over-justify themselves. Soon I was reading site after site about Domestic Discipline... I couldn't believe how deeply this idea resonated with me.

Any 'normal' person coming across an unconventional (at least currently unconventional) idea like this would have to ask themselves if this was a perversion of some kind. I read and re-read the scriptures on wives respecting and husbands honoring, and searched for any other verses that may indicate that living like this was in any way inappropriate and found nothing. I know certain things were left unsaid based on the societal norms of the time but what things? and what societal norms? I was so overwhelmed. In the end I spent a lot of time praying and self-evaluating. Why did I want this so badly? In what ways could this lifestyle take a wrong turn? How would my husband feel? After about three weeks I decided to approach him about practicing Domestic Discipline.

Boy did it take a lot of discussion. Society insists that any man who treats his wife that way must be a tyrant, or even a wife beater, regardless of the context! I showed him countless testimonials of Christian couples, and even a few articles written by Christian religious leaders suggesting that this lifestyle was fine. He prayed about it alone, we prayed about it together, and finally he agreed to give it a try. Not that everything went smoothly at first, but there was an immediate change; suddenly we weren't shouting at each other any more... we were both more relaxed... we felt more attracted to each other... I was finally becoming more self-aware, and he was finally pushing himself to be worthy of leadership. An answer to prayer? It sure seemed to be. There have been some snags along the way, and we've even found that some aspects of Domestic Discipline simply don't work for us at all. But all in all I am really thankful to have found this dynamic, and to be incorporating it into my marriage.

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