I am off work today, so I've had some time to stop and reflect. Three main ideas are swimming around in my head, so I will spill all of them!
1) I am loving how we no longer argue like we used to. Two nights ago he tried to talk to me about something, but I interrupted him to disagree with what he had said. Before this would have escalated into a shouting match, leaving both of us angry and hurt. Instead, he came over and gently put his arm around me and made a 'hold on' gesture with his hand. I paused in what I was saying and he said "It is not time for you to talk right now, it is time for you to listen." I was irritated, but closed my mouth. He finished talking and I still wanted to argue, but after the urge passed I realized he was so right to quiet me. There was absolutely no reason to take the conversation in the direction I had wanted to take it... my disagreement was not central to what he was telling me in the first place. I can't help smirking when I think of how I would have reacted to this before. Before I would have seen it as arrogant and rude, but now that I have consciously asked him to lead it felt loving and calm. Funny how physically requesting something I have always mentally wanted makes such a difference.
2) I got punished for the first time last night. I snapped completely unnecessarily about something unimportant, and he reacted with genuine hurt. It was so unnecessary and biting that I am embarrassed just thinking about it. I apologized and we continued our movie, but I felt like dirt. He didn't deserve that! What was I thinking? How did that come out of my mouth without me catching it? When the movie was over he told me to go into the bedroom and I immediately knew why. We bought a small paddle a week or so ago and he brought it out and spanked me pretty heavily with it. I have never been spanked with anything other than his hand, and it hurt a lot more than I expected! In fact, it still hurts right now. The strange thing is that I felt so light when it was over. I apologized, he said it was okay, and we hugged. The guilt was gone! And the best part was that he didn't want to have some alone time away from me, or feel angry at me at all. Also it was a huge turn on that he wasn't afraid to be dominant. I hope it was a turn on to him that I was willing to be submissive...
3) Since Lent starts tomorrow and I am already buckling down in a ton of different areas, I think I might ask him if he could make a list of what he feels is important in a submissive Christian wife. Not really related to Lent at all, but I could work on that while I am working on everything else! I'm fairly certain he won't agree to make a list though; he will probably see it as too intense and over-planned. Best case scenario is that he will agree to make one whenever he gets around to it, which will probably not be for a long time. It's worth a shot though! I'll keep my fingers crossed just in case :)