Friday, February 20, 2015

Useful 'Reminders'...?

When I first looked into all of this, I read responses from women who admitted that they were guilty of ‘testing’ their husbands to see how far they could push the line. That’s the exact opposite reason for doing this in the first place! It made me nervous though, because I knew I would be guilty of the same thing; sadly that sounds just like me. Several of these women cited ‘reminder spankings’ as helpful in keeping them on track. Weird right? Logically I knew this was strange, but intuitively I felt like a reminder from time to time might help me forget about pushing, and focus on being respectful. I know, I know, I really do hear how bizarre that sounds...

That’s basically how Bruce heard it when I asked him if I could get a reminder from time to time. I think his exact words were “I don’t understand what you mean by reminder.” I tried explaining it as a way to help me remember what kind of a relationship I am asking for: one where he is the authority, and I submit to that authority… “You know I’ve been stubborn and awful for so long it’s just going to be a habit for me. These ‘reminders’ would help me to break the habit.” …[silence, and a blank stare]… I gave up and just asked him to consider it.

He said he would think about it. A few days later I brought it up again, and to my surprise he agreed without any convincing. He said he understood that I wasn’t really sure what it felt like to be honestly submissive. That’s exactly what I had meant! He even went on to say that he felt hesitant about being dominant, and that this might help. After asking me (repeatedly) if I was sure I wanted to do this, he said we would at least give it a try. I asked him how often, and he said with a faint smile “You don’t get to control everything.” Fair enough. I would wait until he was ready.

So last night we made dinner and ate together. I was admittedly a bit irritable, although I’m not sure why. I knew to keep my mouth shut, but my heart wasn’t in it if you know what I mean. After dinner was cleaned up he told me to go into the bedroom and take my pants off. I waited in the bedroom and eventually he came in and got the paddle. He put one knee on the bed, sat back, and gestured to his leg. So not across his lap like before… where we being playful? When he started ‘warming me up’ with his hand, I knew we weren’t playing. After a long hard warm-up he gave me a long, very hard spanking with the paddle. I tried in vain to hold still, and even reached my hand back once to stop him. He gently but firmly held my wrist down and continued. He wasn’t angry, but he wasn’t sympathetic either. When (much to my relief) he finished, he pulled me up on the bed and we had incredible sex. Afterward we held each other and I whispered “That was really, really awful. But thanks.” He involuntarily chuckled at the ridiculousness of my statement and said “Baby you are really intense. So I am trying to counter that,” and he kissed me on the head.

If I was already confused by ‘reminder spankings,’ now I was totally lost. Not only was this incredibly painful, but I had had no control whatsoever; it was a little bit scary, and incredibly freeing (?) all at once. Lying there next to him I felt more than ever like he was the boss. I felt the kind of respect for him that made me want to demonstrate that respect. We’ll have to be careful not to let this get out of control… nothing wrong with a little spice in the bedroom, but I want to be sure it is always about our dynamic as a couple, and not about some extra thing we are doing. Good thing he is the one making the decisions and setting the pace; he has way more self-restraint than I do.


  1. Kate,
    When we first started ttwd, Gabe told me he would never spank me for maintenance or give me Role Affirmation spankings. After four months, he has changed his mind. He usually gives me an RA before he goes out of town and when he returns. He has noticed I get feisty if I haven't been spanked in a while, so he is seeing the wisdom in regular spankings when he sees fit!.

    It's amazing how confusing this can be, I just know it works and that's all I care about!

    1. Megan, role affirmation spankings are huge for me. You are right about it being confusing though; in the moment I hate everything about it, but afterward I am thankful. Go figure, right? And I agree, it really does work :)