Man, I am feeling blue today! I have been off of work for about a week due to weather, and it is so hard to voluntarily drag myself back into the stressful whirl-wind that is my job. I tell myself that I will still come home in the evenings and enjoy my husband, but as much as I try it is never entirely true... there is always some part of my mind that is stuck at work. I often marvel at how difficult it is just to live and do the right thing!
Yesterday I texted Bruce at work and told him he was getting a back-rub before bed No Matter What! He is such a sucker for back-rubs, I really should be giving them more often. I did all of the laundry, straightened up the entire house, and had dinner ready to go when he walked in the door. I wish I had the energy to do that every day! I really do feel called to my line of work, but in a perfect world my work load would be reasonable enough that I could give my husband (and God willing, eventually our children) an appropriate amount of love and attention. As I set the table, I told him I had purchased some cute underwear with a left-over gift card from Christmas. I told him I wasn't sure if they would look cute on, but they were definitely cute in the picture. Before I knew what was happening he grabbed my waist, bent me over the table, and gave me several breathtakingly hard smacks over my pants. When I caught my breath I asked him what on earth that was for, and he said "You need to stop talking like that. I don't want to hear you putting yourself down anymore." What a man! I really feel like I must have the best husband in the whole world :)
After dinner we sat down on the couch and in less than 20 minutes he was asleep sitting up (although we don't work in the same field, I'm not the only one with an exhausting service job). I was able to wake him up, and suggested he get in bed so I could give him his massage. When we went into the bedroom, he decided to initiate sex... this is so exciting because since we have started living this way I have wanted to be intimate all the time. Like usually two times a day. In fact, about two weeks ago I admitted to him that I try to stifle the urge as often as possible, and to my surprise he told me to bring him the paddle. I brought it out to him and he really gave it to me right there on the couch. He wouldn't stop until I promised I would tell him whenever I wanted it; he said that if he could have it whenever, then I should be able to as well (right when we got married I told him I would always be intimate whenever he wanted, no matter what... after all, if I'm not in the mood it takes about a minute and a half of 'playing along' until I genuinely want it too). Since that night I have been trying to be honest, but it really is embarrassing and feels unfeminine to want it so often. Anyway, I was psyched to be on the receiving end for a change!
As I gave him his back-rub I asked him if he had thought any more about his 'Important Qualities of a Christian Wife' list. He admitted he hadn't given it a lot of thought, but had thought about it some. I asked him what being submissive looked like to him, and after a pause he said "I think one big thing is that you always honestly consider what I say. I don't want you to just do everything I suggest, but I want you to really think about it." I am so glad he is (hopefully eventually) making a list, as I would never have listed that as one of the main proponents of being submissive. That's another beautiful thing about this lifestyle... I want to be submissive in the way that he wants; since God brought us together then inevitably what we need from each other will not only benefit the one receiving, but will benefit the one giving as well. In fact, reflecting on the perfection of God's plan I feel a little less blue already :)