Monday, April 13, 2015

Hello Mr. Authority!

When we first started trying this out, I read about women who were surprised to find that their husbands were getting more and more comfortable with the role of “boss.” Bruce might be the most laid back person I have ever met; that combined with his initial uncertainty over the whole thing made me feel pretty positive that he would never be one of those men.


Since we’ve decided to use DD primarily for attitude/respect and looping, he has gotten incredibly comfortable as an authoritarian… go figure? I’m wondering if maybe this is because the whole thing feels more “right” to him now? In any case, here are some examples:

Last night we needed to go to bed, but we were both preoccupied doing our own thing. Finally Bruce pulled himself away and told me to do the same. When I asked why I couldn’t finish what I was doing he said “who’s the boss again? Right. Now it’s time for bed.” Now of course if I had been doing something important he would have reacted differently. But I was just playing a stupid game on my iPad; he was right to say I didn’t need to finish.

The other night I was seriously horrible. I’ve gotten better about this, but sometimes my emotions still get the best of me and I become moody, rude, and argumentative. To make it worse, I chose to behave this way after Bruce had had an extremely long and not-so-great day. Inconsiderate, to say the least. Before this happened I was supposed to get maintenance, so after acting so horribly I told him I understood that the maintenance was now going to be correction. Without hesitation he told me that since I had ‘needed’ the maintenance too, it would be a combination of both. He straight up said “This means it’s going to hurt more than usual. I’ll always take care of you, but that point you talk about- I’m really going to take you past it.” I literally choked on my own spit. A month ago I would have guaranteed that he would never say anything as intense or as stern as this. What’s more is that he definitely followed through :(

This is so embarrassing, but we have a thin acrylic paddle and it actually broke when he was using it. He wasn’t angry but was extremely disappointed with me; unfortunately the severity of his response was totally valid. When it broke he pulled me up and showed me what happened. He frowned as if to say “now look what you did.” I told him I would buy another one if he wanted, but he really doesn’t like the sites that sell them so I figured his response would be a no-brainer. Nope! He told me that obviously I would need to do that, and I had better get a sturdier one this time. Wow... never in a million years would I have thought he would A) spank me hard enough to break anything, B) react comfortably and naturally if something like that ever happened, and C) instruct me to order another more intense implement to replace it. In a sort of daze I got on the internet and did as I was told. My throat gets tight every time I come around the corner in view of our front door… so far no package.

My point in describing all of this is two-fold: first, all want all of the women out there that are frustrated that their husbands won’t ‘step up’ to stop worrying; it may just come with a little bit of time. Second, I want to reiterate the strange beauty of this whole process. As I’ve asked him to do so, Bruce has become more authoritative than I ever expected. He says “no” a lot more, he doesn’t cut me a break nearly as often, and I sometimes actually feel nervous when he gives me that look. And oddly enough, all of this makes me feel… free. Free and loved; he has never been so in tune with my thoughts or the ways of my heart. He looks at me with a new appreciation that reminds me of when we were falling in love, and I see him in the same light. He has always been the man of my dreams, but as he comes into himself more he becomes even more loving and considerate. And did I mention a lot sexier? That too :)






  1. Kate,
    It's amazing to me how much freedom is found when we assume our God-given roles as husband and wife in the way He designed! Gabe has changed since we started ttwd too and I don't get away with what I used to, but in a weird way, I'm glad. I feel more secure in who I am and more confident in my role.
    I'm glad things are progressing well for you. It really is a process.

    1. Agreed. I guess God knew what he was doing when He said they should lead and we should let them. Big surprise, right? :)

  2. It is cool to see our guys assume the role with confidence and know that we will respond with respect to it. So intimate, so defining, so right... <3sigh<3

    Sorry about that package though!

  3. Anonymous4/14/2015

    Kate, that's awesome. I remember emails from awhile ago where you were hoping he would develop into his role. He has done so. Like you say, it just takes time! And yeah, there is something really "hot" about that authority. Let's just hope he doesn't break the other paddle on you cause I'd be afraid of what you'd have to order next. ;) Cheers, friend.

    1. Ugh, let's make sure Zeke doesn't get inspired to share ideas! I do remember you saying I just needed to give it time... good advice :)

  4. Anonymous4/16/2015

    It is so great when they get here! A bit painful, but it's wonderful to watch that evolve!

  5. Hi Kate,
    I finally got time to visit your blog. Love it!! I am looking forward getting to know you. I am so excited about all my new "blog-friends"!!
    Take care and blessings to you!

    1. You as well! Isn't it remarkable how many great women we meet this way?? Welcome to blog land :)