Since we’ve decided to use DD primarily for attitude/respect and looping, he has gotten incredibly comfortable as an authoritarian… go figure? I’m wondering if maybe this is because the whole thing feels more “right” to him now? In any case, here are some examples:
Last night we needed to go to bed, but we were both preoccupied doing our own thing. Finally Bruce pulled himself away and told me to do the same. When I asked why I couldn’t finish what I was doing he said “who’s the boss again? Right. Now it’s time for bed.” Now of course if I had been doing something important he would have reacted differently. But I was just playing a stupid game on my iPad; he was right to say I didn’t need to finish.
The other night I was seriously horrible. I’ve gotten better about this, but sometimes my emotions still get the best of me and I become moody, rude, and argumentative. To make it worse, I chose to behave this way after Bruce had had an extremely long and not-so-great day. Inconsiderate, to say the least. Before this happened I was supposed to get maintenance, so after acting so horribly I told him I understood that the maintenance was now going to be correction. Without hesitation he told me that since I had ‘needed’ the maintenance too, it would be a combination of both. He straight up said “This means it’s going to hurt more than usual. I’ll always take care of you, but that point you talk about- I’m really going to take you past it.” I literally choked on my own spit. A month ago I would have guaranteed that he would never say anything as intense or as stern as this. What’s more is that he definitely followed through :(
This is so embarrassing, but we have a thin acrylic paddle and it actually broke when he was using it. He wasn’t angry but was extremely disappointed with me; unfortunately the severity of his response was totally valid. When it broke he pulled me up and showed me what happened. He frowned as if to say “now look what you did.” I told him I would buy another one if he wanted, but he really doesn’t like the sites that sell them so I figured his response would be a no-brainer. Nope! He told me that obviously I would need to do that, and I had better get a sturdier one this time. Wow... never in a million years would I have thought he would A) spank me hard enough to break anything, B) react comfortably and naturally if something like that ever happened, and C) instruct me to order another more intense implement to replace it. In a sort of daze I got on the internet and did as I was told. My throat gets tight every time I come around the corner in view of our front door… so far no package.
My point in describing all of this is two-fold: first, all want all of the women out there that are frustrated that their husbands won’t ‘step up’ to stop worrying; it may just come with a little bit of time. Second, I want to reiterate the strange beauty of this whole process. As I’ve asked him to do so, Bruce has become more authoritative than I ever expected. He says “no” a lot more, he doesn’t cut me a break nearly as often, and I sometimes actually feel nervous when he gives me that look. And oddly enough, all of this makes me feel… free. Free and loved; he has never been so in tune with my thoughts or the ways of my heart. He looks at me with a new appreciation that reminds me of when we were falling in love, and I see him in the same light. He has always been the man of my dreams, but as he comes into himself more he becomes even more loving and considerate. And did I mention a lot sexier? That too :)