Although I intend to be first and foremost a Christian, I don’t mean for this to be a strictly Christian blog; I love hearing from and sharing with any couple that is living this lifestyle, provided they are respectful and considerate. Thankfully, I have yet to meet anyone outside of that description.
Nonetheless, there has recently been some debate over domestic discipline on the Christian front. Evidently in the not too distant past, a Christian woman tried domestic discipline and found it wasn’t for her; she had just the right past experiences and predispositions to make it a definitively wrong choice. God thankfully rescued her from the situation and convicted her of the importance of walking away from it all. So she started a blog about why domestic discipline is wrong… for everyone. Now don’t get me wrong, she has some truly excellent points. There’s no denying that this can be a slippery slope, and she very accurately and articulately outlines the many ways it can go wrong: Don’t depend on your husband to make you better. Don’t neglect to maintain self-motivation. Don’t lose sight of why we as Christians should desire to be better. Don’t get sucked into the insatiable pit of masochism. These are all very real dangers of practicing domestic discipline, and I have no doubt that these dangers overtake many couples. In fact, I have no doubt that at least one of them will overtake every couple unless they are careful. If she were a friend of mine, I would sincerely thank her for leading me towards some serious soul-searching.
As two convicted women, she and I could go back and forth for days, and I really don’t want to do that; I’ve heard all of her points, and she has probably heard all of mine… I’m afraid we’ll have to agree to disagree. But I want to briefly articulate why I am uncomfortable with her definitive declaration for all of Christianity: To be sure, "Christians" commonly ignore absolute truths present in the Bible in order to maintain their comfortable lifestyles. But it is critical to note that nearly all of these truths can be quoted in two sentences or less. I am unaware of any Biblical mandate that leaves room for in-context scriptural rebuttal or interpretation. The Bible is not written in code; God wants us to clearly understand his direction and fulfill the kind of life he has intended for us. From a scriptural standpoint, Domestic Discipline can be misused in a number of ways. Without honest discernment and prayer, it will be misused. This is true of a lot of wonderful things; sex, wine, and sweets to name a few. But domestic discipline cannot be defined by these potential downfalls. In fact, it cannot be defined at all; if you read three different domestic discipline blogs you will certainly find three distinctly personalized “definitions” of domestic discipline.
But back to the inspiration for this post. I am absolutely blown away by the body of beautiful Christian women that are navigating this lifestyle with me. The first real friend I connected with through this sent me a slideshow of her and her husband that was set to music. I can’t remember now how it was related to our email discussion, but as I watched this video of another couple in love, trying to do right by God and each other, I completely lost all emotional composure; I didn’t just cry, I sobbed a deep, hard, affected sob. Who knew that all along there was another couple out there trying to live their lives in a fulfilling and God-honoring way just like we were! There are so many people in our daily lives that don’t align with our belief system at all, and those that do aren’t always necessarily on the same page with us in terms of other life priorities. But here I was looking at the actual faces of a real couple with values and priorities almost identical to ours. Even though we were miles apart, I knew there had to be others out there like them.
Flash forward to today: I have connected with so many women within this lifestyle who are sincerely trying to walk with God and fulfill the role that he has given us as wives. We are all making mistakes and constantly re-defining how to practice this in a way that honors God, but we are also constantly growing. I am more in touch with my femininity, in fact I am more in touch with my entire emotional self than I ever have been in my whole life. I am more self-aware; my weaknesses (and how to tackle them) are now more clearly defined. I am more in touch with Bruce’s needs and how to connect with him than ever before, and he is more in tune with how I think and function as well. In an open and honest way I am acknowledging how and why I am motivated, and how I can make that process better. And incredibly, I am witnessing other women go through the same difficult but beautiful process. I am so thankful for these women! Not only do I learn a lot from them, but they represent God’s faithfulness in the lives of so many types of people from all across the world. That has been incredible to see. It would be hard to say that God’s blessings aren’t present in this process. I absolutely believe that they are, and I just want to say that I’m so thankful for them!