Monday, April 20, 2015

In Defense of All of This...

Although I intend to be first and foremost a Christian, I don’t mean for this to be a strictly Christian blog; I love hearing from and sharing with any couple that is living this lifestyle, provided they are respectful and considerate. Thankfully, I have yet to meet anyone outside of that description.

Nonetheless, there has recently been some debate over domestic discipline on the Christian front. Evidently in the not too distant past, a Christian woman tried domestic discipline and found it wasn’t for her; she had just the right past experiences and predispositions to make it a definitively wrong choice. God thankfully rescued her from the situation and convicted her of the importance of walking away from it all. So she started a blog about why domestic discipline is wrong… for everyone. Now don’t get me wrong, she has some truly excellent points. There’s no denying that this can be a slippery slope, and she very accurately and articulately outlines the many ways it can go wrong: Don’t depend on your husband to make you better. Don’t neglect to maintain self-motivation. Don’t lose sight of why we as Christians should desire to be better. Don’t get sucked into the insatiable pit of masochism. These are all very real dangers of practicing domestic discipline, and I have no doubt that these dangers overtake many couples. In fact, I have no doubt that at least one of them will overtake every couple unless they are careful. If she were a friend of mine, I would sincerely thank her for leading me towards some serious soul-searching.

As two convicted women, she and I could go back and forth for days, and I really don’t want to do that; I’ve heard all of her points, and she has probably heard all of mine… I’m afraid we’ll have to agree to disagree. But I want to briefly articulate why I am uncomfortable with her definitive declaration for all of Christianity: To be sure, "Christians" commonly ignore absolute truths present in the Bible in order to maintain their comfortable lifestyles. But it is critical to note that nearly all of these truths can be quoted in two sentences or less. I am unaware of any Biblical mandate that leaves room for in-context scriptural rebuttal or interpretation. The Bible is not written in code; God wants us to clearly understand his direction and fulfill the kind of life he has intended for us. From a scriptural standpoint, Domestic Discipline can be misused in a number of ways. Without honest discernment and prayer, it will be misused. This is true of a lot of wonderful things; sex, wine, and sweets to name a few. But domestic discipline cannot be defined by these potential downfalls. In fact, it cannot be defined at all; if you read three different domestic discipline blogs you will certainly find three distinctly personalized “definitions” of domestic discipline.

But back to the inspiration for this post. I am absolutely blown away by the body of beautiful Christian women that are navigating this lifestyle with me. The first real friend I connected with through this sent me a slideshow of her and her husband that was set to music. I can’t remember now how it was related to our email discussion, but as I watched this video of another couple in love, trying to do right by God and each other, I completely lost all emotional composure; I didn’t just cry, I sobbed a deep, hard, affected sob. Who knew that all along there was another couple out there trying to live their lives in a fulfilling and God-honoring way just like we were! There are so many people in our daily lives that don’t align with our belief system at all, and those that do aren’t always necessarily on the same page with us in terms of other life priorities. But here I was looking at the actual faces of a real couple with values and priorities almost identical to ours. Even though we were miles apart, I knew there had to be others out there like them.

Flash forward to today: I have connected with so many women within this lifestyle who are sincerely trying to walk with God and fulfill the role that he has given us as wives. We are all making mistakes and constantly re-defining how to practice this in a way that honors God, but we are also constantly growing. I am more in touch with my femininity, in fact I am more in touch with my entire emotional self than I ever have been in my whole life. I am more self-aware; my weaknesses (and how to tackle them) are now more clearly defined. I am more in touch with Bruce’s needs and how to connect with him than ever before, and he is more in tune with how I think and function as well. In an open and honest way I am acknowledging how and why I am motivated, and how I can make that process better. And incredibly, I am witnessing other women go through the same difficult but beautiful process. I am so thankful for these women! Not only do I learn a lot from them, but they represent God’s faithfulness in the lives of so many types of people from all across the world. That has been incredible to see. It would be hard to say that God’s blessings aren’t present in this process. I absolutely believe that they are, and I just want to say that I’m so thankful for them!

10 comments:

  1. I am convinced of the same, Kate, prayerfully and peacefully so. There are absolute truths, yet there is much we must discern in close communion with Christ & the Holy Spirit what is profitable to us personally. Some have a weakness for alcoholism, even one sip of wine is dangerous for them. Does that make wine inherently wrong, or wrong for all? No, of course it doesn't. When practiced consensually, purposely, logically, and lovingly, DD can be a profitable tool to enhance marriage. As with anything, God must be sought first, and followed closely. Thank you for this post and for your friendship.

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    1. Thanks for the comment. You are right, particularly about discerning in close communion with the Holy Spirit. I know this is a continual process, but this seems to always make things work out well. Not necessarily right away, but in the long run for sure. Your friendship is invaluable to me, so thank you as well!

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  2. Kate,

    Great post! It is great to know that we are not alone is this ttwd walk and that our faith is not a hindrance with this walk, but an added bonus.

    Megan

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    1. Yes Megan, we are definitely not alone in this. All of the connections I've made, including yourself, have proven this to be true :)

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  3. Great post! I've read a bit of the debate on that blog. Growing up in the evangelical church, it's always bothered me when people turn something that God has deeply convicted them on into an absolute that EVERYONE must be convicted on as well. Your fellow believers are on their own journey with God, let Him do the work in them.

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    1. Yep, if we're already connecting with the Holy Spirit nobody needs to be a hero; He's got that covered :)

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  4. Hi Kate,
    Thank you for this great post, I think you took the words out of our hearts and they are words well said!
    I have found that when I spend more time with Jesus and less time studying other's point of view, I always have peace about this lifestyle. I trust God and His Holy spirit to convict me. He loves us enough to guide us.
    Blessings,
    Joli.

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    1. Joli, I notice the exact same thing! When I clear my head of society and focus on the word and prayer it becomes a lot less complicated. And you are so right... if we ask for (and seriously seek) His guidance, He never leaves us hanging.

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  5. Hey Kate, we are all there with you! We can debate back and forth all day long but to what accomplishment. I think we are all intuned to what God is saying to us and the Holy Spirit will tell us if something is awry. I enjoy doing life along side you. Press on! :)

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    1. I enjoy doing life along side of you as well, my friend :)

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