Tuesday, June 2, 2015

JOY

The secrecy of this lifestyle is overwhelming, and yet it brings with it a very distinct subculture: Domestic Discipline forums, chatrooms, countless personal blogs… It is certainly an interesting world to navigate. And generally speaking, it is a beautiful thing! Not only can like-minded people connect with one another, but inexperienced couples can learn so much from the wealth of information that others are freely sharing. Not to mention the incredible friendships that are created; I can’t even begin to describe how connecting with such like-minded women has changed my life. I am truly amazed at the beautiful women I have befriended thus far.

But this underground world and its endless recounting of experiences brings with it something deadly: comparison. As we become aware of and fascinated by this lifestyle we encounter thousands upon thousands of stories. Ideally we learn from these stories, and try to make our own journey run more smoothly. But we are a weak species! We may basically desire to be good, but our selfishness nearly always wins out in the end. True to type, this past week I found myself selfishly wondering why my husband wasn’t acting like other husbands I've read about. And from what I understand, I am not alone in falling into this trap; it’s too easy to hear about others’ successes and expect them for ourselves. Mark Twain said: “Comparison is the death of joy.” How true- when we start focusing on the journey of those around us we inevitably lose track of our own. And comparison in this context is completely unfair; not only are our experiences, ages, and characteristics varied, but the dynamic of each individual couple is totally unique as well. I knew this line of thinking had to stop.

And then a few nights ago I found myself over Bruce’s knee for sassing. Between painful strikes he reiterated how important it is for me to be respectful, and as usual this vulnerability cleared my mind of all but the present issue. Be respectful… I considered how I could improve, and as I pictured what that should look like it suddenly registered how far I’ve come in this department. Just six months ago I was guilty of belligerently putting him down whenever he did something I considered offensive, but here I was being spanked over not knowing when to stop teasing; what an improvement! In this split-second of clarity I soaked in the series of events that led me to be otk… I sassed, he gave me a warning look. I continued, he instructed me to retrieve the paddle. I quietly obeyed, got into position, and here we were. Even a few weeks ago I would have considered it impossible for us to execute this series of events so smoothly. Moment over, I begged for mercy; he eventually stopped, pulled me up, and looked me in the eye for the last sentence of his lecture. We hugged, and then it really hit me: however uniquely paced and unusually ordered it may be, our journey to the roles we desire is real; not just in regards to the physicality of domestic discipline, but in regards to who we are as husband and wife. Without a doubt he is learning to lead and I am learning to follow. Comparison to others is the death of joy. But comparison to our former selves, that can only bring a growing contentment; a joy that is alive and well :)

6 comments:

  1. Kate,
    That is an awesome perspective! I've had to come to the same conclusion. I have to focus on how far we've come as a couple and how grateful I am that Gabe even agreed to this in the first place!
    Megan

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    1. Agreed Megan- many men would never even give this a chance. We are lucky women for sure!

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  2. Well said, Kate. It makes much more sense comparing your situation to how you were six months ago. We're all different and if your husband behaved like someone else's it would feel wrong. Good for you to let him lead.

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  3. Exactly, it only feels right if he acts like himself. As always ZBG, thanks for the encouragement :)

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  4. Hi Kate,
    This post spoke to my heart, thanks. You are right it is a joy when things changes for the better.
    Blessings,
    Joli.

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    1. Good to hear from you Joli! Glad I'm not the only one who forgets this from time to time :)

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