Monday, February 15, 2016

As Things Change...

Ah, it feels good to get back to blogging. The life that Bruce and I share is changing so quickly! In the past two months we've gotten some major renovations finished, started to set up the nursery, and tied up several other not-so-minor loose ends from our just-the-two-of-us life. By no means have we gotten all of the logistics settled, but we've at least got the ball rolling. And in three months or so we will have a sweet baby girl joining our family!

As I begin to move into the third trimester, our use of spanking is changing. So, I thought it fitting to reflect on our use of spanking, and how it has changed us both permanently and in the short term. We've actually been using DD for just over a year now, believe it or not! At this point in the pregnancy Bruce still spanks me for things that he feels warrant punishment, but these spankings are obviously shorter and less intense than usual. He has stopped doing role affirmation spankings, and sometimes my pregnant body makes even punishment spankings inappropriate.

So here we are, at a crossroads of sorts. I have learned, much to my relief, that we do not need these spankings for conflict resolution, and I am happy to report that even without it we resolve issues far quicker and more peacefully than we did before using DD. When things start to get heated he authoritatively insists that I calm down; even without the threat of a major spanking, I know from experience that when I obey this command I am always glad that I did so in retrospect. Also, having been physically forced to stop in the past has gotten me in the habit of really trying to stop when it is necessary. Simultaneously it has gotten him into the habit of insisting! I admit that being fully punished allowed us to move past things even more quickly and thoroughly. Still, it is comforting to know that we have acquired skills to use in a conflict that are not dependent upon one particular act.

Monday night was a great example of how our dynamic has recently changed. I was particularly upset about the disorder that has been present in our home amid all of these changes. I accused Bruce of being impatient, which was both unfair (he has been admirably patient with me and my mood swings) and disrespectful, particularly the tone with which I accused him. He articulated as much, but I got even nastier- way not okay behavior by this point in our journey. I was angrily rummaging around in the kitchen when he finally stopped and went into the bedroom. I feared he may be getting the paddle, but ignored it. Sure enough he told me to stand up moments later. In times when he feels the need to drop everything and punish on the spot, here is where I would normally be instructed to bear myself, at which point he would administer either an unbearably long or unbearably harsh spanking that would typically leave me in tears. But this time he simply had me bend forward and submit to a harsh *but bearable* paddling. His point was still unmistakably made, but without the ceremony and intensity I couldn't help feeling he was still mildly annoyed afterward. I definitely felt sorry for having been so disrespectful- it still forced me to stop and consider how not to let it happen again, but the reconciliation that followed wasn't as significant as it typically would have been. Perhaps such deep reconciliation isn't necessary for every major disconnect, but it is so beautifully cleansing to reach the end and hug so fiercely, knowing that it is 100% past us. Such intensity probably doesn't work for everyone, but we've found that it does work for us.

So where do we go from here? This week he said that we will soon be nearing the time where spankings will stop entirely. He had me ask my gynecologist if capsaicin cream was safe for pregnancy and, having gotten the green light, he says we will be trying this as an alternative form of punishment, "but with a bit of a twist," we're his exact words. I pressed the issue, but he says he will let me know what he means when I need to know. Considering what I've read about how results vary, how long the effects can last, etc., I admit that the unknown is a little intimidating. Still, I trust him so what's to fear? He is a good man, and I know he will take such good care of me. He always does :)

3 comments:

  1. I am really impressed by the way you both have grown! I also think you handle the changes very well. Good for you my friend:).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks you. Good thing I know a few submissive wives that have been through it and can offer great advice along the way ;)

      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete