Saturday, May 28, 2016

Submissive New Mama

It's official: Bruce and I are now three! Our baby girl was born about three weeks ago, and she is so beautiful; we're in love to say the least. But as anyone who's had an infant knows, those first few weeks are rough, and that's an understatement. So it's no surprise that we've had little energy left for anything other than nursing, diaper changes, and getting our baby girl to go to sleep already. Still, Bruce has kept his promise to help me stay relatively submissive. We had agreed ahead of time that he would read my body as I recovered from childbirth and gauge what I would be able to handle spanking-wise. Not surprisingly he has read me and my body well... I've been paddled several times since returning home from the hospital, and although it is hard to take while recovering I admit it is never outside the realm of what I can handle.

Most of these corrections have been happening in the moment; I do or say something disrespectful/unsubmissive, and he shuts it down by telling me to bring him the paddle. Once we've reached that point it's extremely unwise for me to do anything other than retrieve it for him; he gives me between 6-10 strikes while lecturing me on my behavior, and then I go and put it back. Under normal circumstances this is usually followed by an embrace, more tender words, and a tearful acknowledgment from me. But with the extreme exhaustion and fatigue we've just been continuing what we were doing as if nothing even happened.. I put the paddle away and we resume diapering, nursing, soothing, or whatever it is we were doing before it happened. I know he is correcting me out of love, and he knows that I take it because I intend to submit to and respect him, but to express these things outwardly requires time and energy that we frankly don't have at this point.

But last night was different. It was a bit more planned than usual, a bit more intentional like things had been pre-baby. We were getting our baby girl ready for bed when he announced that afterward we would brush our teeth and I would be spanked for making such a big deal out of everything lately (guilty- it's no excuse but these post-partum hormones are seriously intense). When I joined him in the bathroom he had my toothbrush ready for me and the big Lexan paddle sitting on the counter of the sink. I silently brushed my teeth alongside him, and when we finished he made me bend forward and face the wall. Much to my relief he didn't make me undress, but when he started spanking me it was as hard as ever. He asked repeatedly if I would be calmer about things in the future, and I affirmed that I would each time that he asked. After several breathtaking strikes I struggled to remain in position and began crying out, but then he stopped. I waited a moment, and he began to move around the bathroom so I stood up (again, too exhausted to be in the habit of following up with a hug, reconnecting words, etc.). But then he turned sharply and said "Did I say that I was done?" A little surprised, I got back in position and waited as he continued what he was doing. When he was finished he picked up the paddle again and without a word he spanked me several more times. I collapsed out of position toward the end but he merely said "Now I'm done." and led me out of the bathroom... even though I can't be intimate myself I've been asking if he would let me please him and so finally he let me... We kissed, and afterward we held each other. What a peace I felt lying there in his arms; our lives have totally changed, and yet here we were having just newly expressed submission/dominance toward each other, followed by a reconnect that left us both softened and affectionate as ever.

Bruce says that we will return to DD more fully once we can be intimate again; not only will I have mostly healed by then, but he says that then we will be able to follow an intense reaffirming of our roles with an appropriately intense level of reconnection. I think we both know that it will never be quite the same. But maybe in time we'll find it to be even better than it was before...