Sunday, February 26, 2017

DD Decision Making

Have I mentioned we are in a stressful time of life right now? Ha, seriously though we have never been so physically and emotionally taxed as we are now. Many other people with kids close in age have mentioned something similar- yeah it's great overall, but those first few years are pretty rough.

And so again, amid all of the stress, I want to take some time to focus on the positives. We may not be the best model for DD especially right now, but let me nonetheless revisit what works for us within the dynamic.

Deciding How DD Should Work for Us
So many couples struggle with this, especially us ladies- usually we are the ones to appeal to our spouses about the lifestyle in the first place. This of course leads to a lot of "researching," where we read other's ideas and anecdotes and wish to implement some of them in our own dynamic. I of course was no exception to this mindset, but thankfully Bruce was deliciously dominant enough to stop me in my tracks. ...Well it may have also had to do with what a control freak he knew that I was, but anyway, he wouldn't have any of my "suggestions." He was very clear the first time I offered one that this would be run his way or it wouldn't happen at all, so right from the start I was forced to avoid interjecting in any way. Of course I was free to share how things affected me, but I was absolutely not allowed to float any ideas about how or what to do.

Flash forward to now, and I have at least learned to relinquish control to some degree. This has earned me the freedom to share an ideas and such, but to be frank more often than not my suggestion is disregarded. If he senses that the suggestion stems from a deeper need that isn't being met he usually finds another way to meet that need, but not always. In fact to be perfectly honest I sometimes simply have to accept that some of the things I wish for in this dynamic just aren't going to happen. I freely admit that this sucks in some ways, but in the long run I have found that since he is truly calling the shots Bruce owns his leadership and role as Head of the House so completely. Since the point of this whole thing, for us anyway, is to give him the authority in the relationship, I have found that achieving this above all else always makes things work out the way they should in a way that neither of us could have foreseen. And this has served both of us very very well.

Just last night is a great example of this theme, even if on a smaller more specific level. He decided to give me a maintenance/role-affirming spanking, and I was almost a little relieved since we have both been way too exhausted lately to do this as often as we usually do. But not long after he began it was evident that he felt a more severe and to-the-point approach was best. At first I felt frustration at knowing that I wouldn't have time to ease in more and process as fully as I wished. I also felt a slight twinge of offense at his ease in using such harshness knowing that I am in a lot of discomfort already with all of the intensities of the third trimester of pregnancy. Before long I was sobbing and very sincerely begging for it to stop. And not long after that it did stop. As he initiated intimacy I still felt that a longer more eased-in approach would have been more effective. But by now I know better than to cling to these types of frustrations as I used to do so vehemently. We made love and it wasn't until I cuddled up to him afterward that I realized I actually felt very peaceful about the exchange. Regardless of whether it really was the perfect call, his decision to spank me that way had served to give me an exercise in submission, and it had served to break me emotionally, a release I often need. Furthermore, I was now ready for a much needed night's rest sooner than I would have been otherwise. And once again I silently counted my blessings that we were able to stumble into this he-calls-the-shots kind of authenticity. No, it isn't always the fantasy that I think it should be. But when he is running the show it somehow almost always ends up feeling just... really right.


  1. Hi Kate. I find it awsome how you always actually find peace in his decisions :)!
    I really know how hard this can be

    1. Thanks Bibi. It really is hard. But I just need to keep reminding myself that the result it brings is so worth it :)