Sometimes it's nice to step back and summarize the significant parts of this lifestyle. I've mentioned having the privilege of getting to know JGirl in the past year or so (in the off chance you are unfamiliar, see Taming of the Shrew blog to the right!), and how great it is to have a healthy, experienced friend within the lifestyle to connect with. This past week she suggested we do an interview about living the DD lifestyle, and I was more than happy to participate! Here are her interview questions and my responses:
1) How long have you two been a DD couple?
We've been doing this a few months shy of three years now.
2) Did you always have a Dom/sub or power exchange relationship, or was this a very big change for you?
Well I think we both really wanted it to be this way, but I was just too stubborn and misled by societal expectations, etc. I would tell people he was the boss, decorate our bedroom in his favourite colours, let him do the bills, stuff like that, but I definitely was really fighting for equal control all along. It didn't occur to me how much I would actually enjoy serving him.
3) What do you think is the best benefit of this dynamic?
Definitely the reduced/shorter/less-intense marital arguments. It just works better to have one person call the shots, where before we would go round and round forever. Now when he shuts it down I always think I'll need to respectfully bring it up again later, but I rarely see it that way once I've stepped back from things.
4) What do you find hardest?
This is pretty basic, but it's very hard for me to show submission when it seems I'm not getting anything in return. It just takes so much physical and emotional energy to begin with. The dynamic definitely wouldn't work if my submission was conditional/reactionary, but it sure would be ten times easier that way!
5) If you could pick an implement to toss in The Great Submissive Bonfire of 2017 without repercussion, what would it be?
Absolutely 100% the lexan paddle! It's made with the stuff they use for bullet-proof glass, and is supposed to sting like an acrylic paddle only way more intense. It is so unbelievably painful, I dread it so much. What's worse is that it doesn't usually leave marks so I never even have the battle scars to show for it!
6) Which rule do you find easiest to obey?
Probably acts of physical submission, like doing things for him when he asks. Even when I'm not feeling up to it, the decision to get him coffee, rub his back, wear a skirt, etc. always seems like a pretty explicit choice to be unsubmissive or submissive.
7) Which is the hardest?
I seriously struggle with being able to stop speaking my mind or stating my case when he says we're done discussing something. At least three fourths of all of my punishments are because of this one thing! It's just really difficult for me to stop when I feel I'm being misunderstood. And Bruce adds that although I'm getting better I also have trouble being still during harsh maintenance/punishments.
8) If you could give someone new to this one piece of advice, what would it be?
Let the HoH/Dom truly call the shots; even though it's tempting, I think things work infinitely better when submissives don't make suggestions unless asked. Lucky for me Bruce shut this down from the start- before DD he had been very laid back about being in charge, but when he agreed to give it a try he said we'd either be doing everything his way or we wouldn't be doing it at all. Once I stopped giving input on how I thought things should be he really started to own it and get into it much more. Even if things weren't going the way I wanted them too, the authenticity of that was actually very hot! And eventually he became interested in hearing my opinion on things here and there, so by now he's taken a fair amount of my thoughts and preferences into consideration anyway.
9) If you could project yourself five years from now, where would you like to see your dynamic?
Well I still get punished quite a lot, more than I think most couples with a few years of experience, but we have two babies under sixteen months old so hopefully that will naturally change as the madness settles a bit. It'd be great if in five years we're in the same kind of rhythm that JGirl and Jason are ;) Seriously, I know she's mentioned "getting" each other sort of automatically by now, like to a point where his expectations and her needs are pretty intuitively obvious to the other without needing to articulate much. We are learning and getting better, but we are definitely not to that point yet. I hope we find ourselves moving closer to that type of thing as we both continue to gain experience and maturity along the way. I won't deny that it's a lot of work, but the payoff of all of that work is seriously awesome :)