It's interesting to consider the alternative of spanking. I know I shouldn't type this too loudly even within D/s circles, but we've agreed as a couple that Bruce can use spanking when he's angry. I know it's not for everyone, but my OCD looping is a very in-the-moment thing, and he wouldn't be able to shut it down nearly as often if he could only do so when he was feeling calm and collected. And doing things this way also prevents us from letting DD fall into the background when life gets overwhelming or intense.
While it really does work for us, let me say a few things about our use of spanking while angry:
1) It is imperative that Bruce is always in control. That's not to say things haven't been more harsh than is ideal before, but if things ever went to an extreme then we would obviously have some reevaluating to do
2) It only works if I own my portion of this choice- it cannot fall completely on him when he doesn't handle things perfectly. While we try to avoid it, a less-than-ideal experience is always a possibility. Rather than making a big deal out of it I accept these times because I feel the benefits outweigh the detriments.
3) It is unsettling to be seriously spanked by the man I love, and when he is clearly upset it is exponentially more so. In all seriousness, spanking while angry is not for the faint of heart. But it still absolutely beats the shit out of stonewalling!
In example, the other night I did something that made Bruce really upset. Without hesitating he dropped what he was doing and led me over to the couch and bent me over for a spanking. He spanked me plenty hard, and he was clearly angry- his typical softness and patience was replaced by irritable harshness, and it was emotionally unsettling enough that I was crying almost immediately. Even though I was the one to suggest the concept I truly hated going through it while it was happening.
But when it was over he hugged me and we went on with the night... together. While it was undeniably unsettling, I know exactly what the alternative would have been: The old Bruce would have shut down, and the old me would have become more hurt/angry until we both ended up in a shouting match, probably saying hurtful things that would have stuck with us for days. I am so thankful that this method of conflict resolution is a thing of the past! Now Bruce simply does not stonewall- he doesn't turn away from me or give up on staying connected; he comes toward me and doesn't even consider becoming disconnected as an option. To men stonewalling may seem like the honorable thing to do, and to society spanking your wife is the same as stripping her of her dignity. But to me my husband coming towards me in the interest of staying connected is a thousand times more loving than his turning away or shutting down in anger and exasperation. I know DD isn't for everyone, and I'm not saying it should be. I'm just saying that it actually makes a lot more sense than mainstream society would have you believe.