Sunday, December 3, 2017

Why It’s Worth It

Hey all. If you follow my blog at all you know that Bruce and I aren’t exactly in a Rainbows and Butterflies phase of DD right now. Nonetheless, even in our currently exhausted, stressed, and not-necessarily-fulfilled state, I am a believer in the value of this lifestyle. Let me share why.

First let me say that I hate the current societal movement of “tolerance” for everyone’s views to the point of rejecting personal conviction. Don’t get me wrong, people that lack empathy or cannot respect other points of view are the worst of the worst. But have you ever really considered the flaw in the “whatever’s right for you” mentality when it comes to foundational things like religion or ethics? It’s obviously not okay to shove your world views on other people, but it’s hardly a personal conviction if you can’t assert that you believe it to be an over-arching truth. In example, if a person of (any) faith does not believe that everyone’s lives would be enriched by ascribing to it, then is it really a belief system at all? As a Christian I believe that having a sincerely Christian worldview would optimize anybody’s life, and that spreading this worldview would make the world a better place. I would think that all people of faith would feel the same.

I do totally get that DD itself is not for everyone- that’s definitely not where I’m going with this. And again I have to reiterate that I DO NOT believe that DD is even remotely suggested anywhere in Biblical scripture. It is a 100% man-made system and very likely has plenty of flaws and pitfalls.

But I DO believe that the husband being the head of the household is scriptural. And since I am a Christian I believe that God suggests this model for marriage because He himself built men and women with different strengths, and He knew that those strengths would play out for everyone’s benefit in this way. If men are to lead and women are to bear and nurse children, it stands to reason that men were made to be stronger decision-makers, and women were made to be stronger nurturers. (And by the way can anyone seriously argue that one is more valuable than the other? I hate when people complain that this concept suggests that men are “better” or “more important,” because it most certainly does not.) I believe this to be an over-arching truth. And while DD is quirky and possibly questionable, it does, in it’s own quirky way, support this truth.

Here are the reasons why I think that DD ends up being effective:
1) DD reinforces a man’s strength in leading. This is particularly significant in a society that ferociously denies and represses even the existence of such a strength in men.
2) DD creates a hierarchy. Just like in a work environment, having a system, a designated decision-maker, makes everything run more smoothly. Hierarchies are effective!
3) The whole spanking bit is just plain hot. I even suggest that the physicality of it highlights the attractive qualities of both a man and a woman. But regardless, it jazzes up intimacy in a fantastically unique way.

Now of course I have an example that supports this idea :) Last night Bruce and I were in a heated disagreement about sports. Finally Bruce asserted his view one last time, and declared that we would have to agree to disagree. I wanted to reiterate my view, but landing over his knee was a possible outcome in that scenario, so I didn’t. I also wanted to tell him that we should talk further in hopes of finally seeing eye-to-eye, but I knew that overriding his decision to end the conversation would end in my being spanked, so I didn’t do that either. Instead I simply closed my mouth and climbed under the covers. He changed the subject, and a moment later he pressed up behind me and put his arms around me. What an infinitely better moment to be sharing than the alternative of continuing a technical discussion of statistics that almost certainly would have escalated in a bad way!

I lay there thinking “Yep, in the end this really is the way to go.” And then just as I began drifting off to sleep Bruce patted my bottom and pleasantly promised a spanking for today. I asked him why, and he cited reinforcing our roles, then simply said that it’s been a while. I guess it has been over a week since we’ve done any role-reinforcing. So here I am, knowing exactly what will happen before the night is over. But even though I dread the discomfort and dislike the inability to control how my evening ends, role-reinforcement isn’t so bad; it’s hot, it’s effective, and it allows us to reconnect. Besides, as it turns out I actually really like our roles :)


  1. Nice post! I like our roles too.


  2. I love your thoughtful posts. These roles are designed for the tough times. I feel like there's room for individual personalities and quirks within God's design of marriage. Dominic has expectations another husband might not have. I have needs, sensitivities, and preferences another wife may not have, etc. This dynamic and spanking are how we best thrive in those roles. Someone has to be in charge, and if you've declared it won't be your husband... well then you're the one in charge and that's not equal either. So glad you posted this!

    1. I agree Madeline! And definitely the roles are the part that is God’s design, not the spanking! But yeah, this dynamic and spanking does help some of us thrive, myself included! Thanks for the comment friend :)