Sunday, January 7, 2018
During a Harsh Spanking
A lot of things go through my mind during a harsh spanking. Most of these things are to be expected, although when I stopped to really think about it there was a thing or two that surprised even me. Two nights ago I received quite a harsh spanking, and as I went through the usual emotions it got me thinking that articulating my mental process might be worthy of a blog post. So here goes!
1) When the spanking is about to start or just starting:
I don’t actually want this.
We’ve been practicing DD long enough that I no longer second guess the overall process, but rather the spanking that is about to happen. Not that I spend my days just itching for a harsh spanking, but there are definitely times where I know that it would help me or us. In those moments I always recognize the truth that it is worth the discomfort, but when I am actually in position and on the receiving end of Bruce’s strikes all I can think about is how idiotic I am for ever wanting any part of this. Why experience pain like that if I don’t have to, right? That’s definitely the first place my mind usually goes.
2) After a few strikes:
I have to take this and be still.
I’m sure everyone is different, but it is really hard for me to mentally benefit from a spanking when I am physically fighting it the whole time. I don’t mean literally fighting against Bruce, but fighting the discomfort by kicking my feet against the ground/bed/whatever, repeatedly lifting my head, and sometimes even pulling up onto my elbows (bad, I know). But I should add that even though it is ideal and most effective for me to mentally benefit, Bruce and I have agreed that this is not the only purpose of a spanking- sometimes Bruce just needs to exert dominance, sometimes a punishment just needs to be completed, etc. Nonetheless, I am a far sweeter, more thankful, contrite, and submissive when I’ve been fully present mentally during a spanking.
3) Once the spanking has really gotten started:
I deserve this.
We both work hard at our marriage, and most of the time we do right by each other. Sometimes one or both of us is awful, but we try to avoid that or at least learn from it as much as possible. But regardless of how good or bad we are to each other, Bruce is such a good man, and I have decided that I want a marriage dynamic where he is the boss and I treat him with respect. Me- I’m the one who first wanted this! And I’m not a terrible wife, but the unfortunate tru th is, especially lately, a lot of times I completely lose sight of this hierarchy that I value. I respect him a thousand times more than, say, my boss, but some of the things I say to him I would never even dream of saying to my boss. Or even a coworker for that matter! Shame on me. I want this relationship dynamic, so I want the accountability required to stick to it. And when I can’t handle myself accordingly, I deserve that accountability. Remembering this helps me SO MUCH. It helps me be still, it helps me get my heart and my head back to where I want them to be, and best of all it helps me really reconnect with my soul mate.
4) Once I really can’t take anymore:
I am really not in control here.
I admit this realization is a bit scary sometimes, but oddly enough it is all the more freeing. When the spanking has reached a place that I’m really not comfortable with, it becomes undeniable that a) Bruce is absolutely in control (no topping from the bottom here!), and b) I am totally a passenger. Ok yeah, a passenger in a not so pleasant ride, but in my daily life this is the only time that I have no responsibility or decisions to make, and it forces me to be 100% in the moment. Once we are both really present in such a physical act as this, all of the irrelevant nonesense between us just melts away. At this point my thought process is something like... My bottom hurts so badly, and there is nothing I can do about it... I trust that he is in control because I trust him... I love that he clearly wants the same relationship dynamic that I do... he is doing this crazy thing because he loves me... it is surprisingly freeing to give up control... I love when he is in charge... I love the connection we share... I love this man so much...
Isn’t it interesting that nowhere in this process do I ever think “this is really hot.” Of course, I do actually think it’s hot, but I’m realizing that I never think this while a harsh spanking is actually occurring. Now a more bearable sexy-spanking, oh yes! But with a harsh spanking this never really goes through my mind until it’s all over. (Of course, once it’s over that thought most definitely does go through my mind :))
So there it is. Yep, it probably sounds pretty weird and sort of awful from an outsiders perspective. But it is so not! I’m so convicted of this that I am happy to discuss with anyone who can’t quite see where I’m coming from, either privately or via comment, but otherwise I will just leave it at that. Speaking of comments, any other submissive wives out there ever think any of these things during a harsh spanking? If so feel free to share!