Monday, February 5, 2018

A Week in the Life

Life in a DD relationship is exhausting but generally fulfilling. When I first looked into this lifestyle I wondered about the frequency of spanking and/or submissive mess-ups long term. What would a regular week really look like for a couple that’s been doing it for a few years? Well, now that we’re three-plus years in I’m on the other end of that question, albeit amid an unusually hectic season of life. And to be honest some weeks DD is almost nonexistent, or at least extremely inconsistent- those are the weeks where we just simply aren’t making each other a priority. Not okay, but when life gets crazy there’s not much to do other than cut your losses and try to do better next time.

Some weeks we’re on top of it- I actually check myself before blurting out something that may be disrespectful or unsubmissive, and Bruce is present in an authoritatively loving way so that I can really feel how he loves and cares for me. Even in those weeks I admit I am serving him far less than I want to be, out of sheer exhaustion and busyness; he may ask me to make him coffee, scratch his back, or do some laundry, but I’m never just serving him of my own free will like I was before our babies came along. I don’t like it, but my mental and physical exhaustion usually wins out and I just don’t get around to it on my own. But eventually I’ll get there again.

Maintenance typically happens once a week or so, but I think we both agree that when time and energy is less limited, doing maintenance slightly more frequently makes both of us happier and more connected overall. It certainly helps me be more submissive. Punishments are about as frequent, sometimes impromptu and sometimes planned out (I dread the planned out ones and they usually hurt more, but impromptu spankings are really unsettling emotionally). I usually get punished for poor attitude or not properly adhering to something he has asked of me.

This week was a bit different, as I committed the later offense to an extreme degree. Bruce gave me advanced warning that I would be punished heartily if I didn’t take care of something requiring several time-sensitive steps throughout this week. I did well right up until the last step, and even though we both forgot he had been clear that this was my responsibility, so as promised I was punished thoroughly Wednesday night. And Thursday night. And Friday night! Wednesday was a long spanking with the lexan paddle and looped cane, but thankfully there was intimacy afterward. During the punishment he said something that really resonated. It was toward the end of the spanking, and in between strikes he simply said: “This is important to our sexual health, and you need to make it a priority.” All day Thursday his care for our sexual health stuck with me, so much that I even texted him thanking him for the punishment and for making me a priority. I assured him I would take the remaining punishment well, and I did that night when he gave me a brief spanking with the looped cane. No intimacy afterward, but it didn’t matter- it was very evident that he was doing this only because he cares about me and about us. Friday he gave me a particularly harsh spanking with the lexan paddle, but I took it well and our intimacy afterward was incredible.

So I’m a grown woman who gets spanked by her husband. Yeah I admit that’s definitely weird. It may even be a little messed up. But do you know what else it is? It’s a physical connection aligned with each of our desired roles in our marriage. It helps us adhere to those roles, it helps us stay connected emotionally, and it helps spice up our sex life! It sounds ridiculous to thank God for a somewhat kinky and definitely unusual practice, but I really do thank Him for having let us stumble into this weird thing that adds to our marriage. Maybe one day I’ll see that it’s something we shouldn’t be doing anymore, or maybe I’ll find an alternative that is more ideal. But maybe years from now I’ll still be thankful for how it aids in all of these things. And maybe years from now we’ll have it much more figured out and more perfected than we do now! Either way, for now I’m really happy with where we are in our marriage and in our DD journey, and for now that’s enough :)

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