I remember the first time I talked to Bruce about DD... he was a bit weirded out, and I was pretty sure it was going to be a no-go. But even though it was somewhat hidden beneath his conscious awareness, he did want to be the leader in our relationship. So after a lot of trial and error (we made absolutely all of the typical newbie mistakes), we could at least see that it was something that may eventually be good for us, and thus worth giving a try.
And now that he’s finally had an opportunity to truly hold the reigns, he knows that it’s right. That he can be a good leader and that our relationship can be harmonious if I let him lead. I know it too, of course. But man do old habits die hard. If only I always had that in the forefront of my mind before speaking and acting! But that’s the big key, isn’t it?
Last night we were making love, vanilla style (by the way, I think it’s so important to keep it vanilla every so often- to me if we can’t enjoy each other that simply then something’s definitely wrong). Anyway I was on top, which is fine because he wanted that, but that position can sometimes be a lot of work! After a while he took me in his arms and said “Baby, lay your entire body on me. Just relax and lay all the way down.” I admit it felt unnatural to just do that, but I did. And guess what? He knew exactly how he wanted our bodies to work together. It had been nice to begin with, but when I let him lead me it became much nicer.
As we got ready to sleep I thought about the implications of what had happened. I was doing it my way because I wasn’t thinking about him leading, and he let me. In fact, he almost always lets me. Probably partially because it isn’t in the forefront of his mind either, but also partially because it’s in his nature to be honorable; he doesn’t ever want to thwart me in any way. Nonetheless, I would always prefer that he lead, and he always prefers to do so. But the problem last night was the typical problem in this scenario- I just didn’t even think about who was leading. Society sucks that way, helping us women and men completely lose track of what we really want, without even realizing we’re making a choice to do so.
Anyway, I already know it’s better when he’s leading. But the specific thought I held on to as I drifted off to sleep is that he is always ready to lead in our relationship; I just have to remember to let him.