Hello All. I’ll continue in my coffee-shop gossip style of post this week because I honestly don’t feel like blogging about anything submissive. Bruce is a great man and I am crazy about him, and we haven’t even had any disagreements or anything, I’m just feeling vaguely frustrated with a couple of things and just generally feeling very unsubmissive.
What do submissive wives do when we feel unsubmissive? We obviously have two options: #1, behave submissively anyway, or #2, act however we feel without considering our spouses at all. Of course nobody’s perfect, we all do the latter a bit from time to time, but it’s a different story when one deliberately opts for #2.
I’d love to say I’m just such a great wife that I usually attempt option #1 because it’s the right thing to do, but really its because I selfishly want this dynamic to work and it really falls apart with option #2. Take right now for example: if I chose to just do my own thing, not get nasty or anything but just focus on my own desires and blow him off a bit, well that makes the dynamic quite false. It’s more like “Oh we do this dominant and submissive thing when we feel like it,” which really sounds more like a game than anything else. But it’s not a game, it’s real. And treating it like a game hurts both of us. If I just give up and act unsubmissive then yeah, I’ll probably get punished plenty hard sometime in the next few days, and we’ll eventually get back on track, but the solidness of our relationship erodes a bit. The solidness of the dynamic erodes a bit, not to mention his trust in my desire to be a submissive wife.
I guess it’s kind of like the ultimate time to be submissive then! But I still say ugh. We all tell each other (and ourselves) that it’s important to do the right thing even when we don’t feel like it, but it’s just so damn hard to do sometimes right?! I’m tired. I have a lot on my mind right now. I have a lot of responsibilities weighing on me at the moment. I don’t feel like heeding the things he says or going out of my way to look nice for him, make the house nice for him, etc. I don’t feel like watching my tone and biting my tongue when something really doesn’t need to be said. BUT, I will work hard to do those things anyway. Because it’s right. Right?
Maybe I’ll ask for some hard-but-not-too-hard maintenance to help motivate me. Except that I’m still literally feeling my last maintenance session so that’s probably a stupid idea in a couple of different ways. And let’s be real, hard-but-not-too-hard maintenance is about as real as a unicorn around here! Ok, so no request for motivation. But I think I’ve got this, I can handle it on my own. I am an independent woman after all! Yeah. Throw your hands up at me if you support me in this, ha. I mean, always 50/50 in relationships right? Whoops, I think I got caught up in a [very retro] song that doesn’t wholly apply to my situation...
But in any case, I’ve GOT this.
Either way, I’ll report back next week and let you know how it went. Wish me luck, it is hard to do this! After all, Ladies it ain’t easy being independent ;)