Hi all! Life is always hard work, but it’s been a decent couple of weeks. I so enjoyed writing to Bruce via blog, and I think he liked it too. He came to me one night last week and hugged me, saying he just read my post (he occasionally reads them the night after I post, but it usually takes him a few days to get around to it- I so appreciate that he does it at all!). I hugged him back and waited for him to say whatever else he might say about the post. It was actually sort of funny though: he said “I love you so much baby. I really do need to be spanking your ass more often lately.” I nearly choked on my spit and said something to the effect of ‘wait, that’s not where I was going with that,’ but he just smiled and patted my bottom. Then he said how much better we are (and specifically how much better I am) when he is doing it more often. I politely assented like a good submissive wife, ha.
It’s funny, I do certainly feel we fulfill our roles more easily when he is spanking me regularly. But it just really hurts! I was chatting with my friend Madeline about this a while ago, it’s like starting back up at anything tough in that it’s just hard to seek out when you know it wont be entirely pleasant. Or be pleasant at all!
So I’ve been spanked three times since then, two of those times hard enough that I really wanted it to stop, which as I’ve mentioned is helpful to me even though I dread it more. Three times in two weeks is certainly not as frequent as it has been in the past, but it’s still helpful. I’ve definitely been more conscious of what he is feeling or thinking lately, although I admit I’ve still struggled with tone when feeling hurt or unheard.
Did I mention that I’m also dieting right now? Ha, it sounds silly, but calorie reduction really does take a toll on my overall energy and positivity. I’m average weight since recovering from Baby #2, but back in college and graduate school I was super thin, and I’d love to get back there again. I owe it to Bruce, not to be thinner necessarily I think he is happy either way, but when I am thinner I feel more confident and that affects everything; initiating intimacy, dressing the way he likes, going the extra mile in my overall appearance, etc. Also I feel so feminine and dainty when I am smaller! Maybe it’s in my head, but I think it affects Bruce’s masculinity and protective nature too, and I love that. Anyway I’m really hitting it hard right now, eating right and controlling portions, skipping sugars and exercising regularly, the whole nine yards. And overall it’s working! But overall I am more worn out, more irritable, and mentally just weaker if that makes any sense. So silly or not, it is a very real factor in my submission. We’re also still in a sort of impermanent place right now with Bruce’s career, but overall I think we’re in a good place with that.
Stress is still a factor though, undeniably. And stress can really ero de a relationship, so we’re actively fighting that. This week we’re going to try to set everything down (even our toddlers) when he gets home, and sit with each other for just five minutes to reconnect about our days and state of mind. We’re also hugging more than once a day (you know, endorphins and all of that), and trying to make a point of sharing what is currently and specifically making us feel overwhelmed or stressed, even though Bruce reserves the right to add the stipulation of not discussing whatever it is. Just stating it will at least give me a better insight into his state of mind, and that will help both of us plenty.
I love this man of mine. We are fighting the good fight- it’s an uphill battle, but it is so worth it! It is so helpful for me to go back and read previous posts about past struggles, etc. Submission lull or not, we have come a long way overall! I almost wish our kids could read this someday when they are feeling lonely over the fact that marriage is a lot of work, but then I remember that they would be irrevocably scarred knowing that Mommy ever had a sex-related blog about Daddy. Yikes, talk about nightmares.
Speaking of blog reading, I cannot describe how much I appreciate the comments and private messages. There are so many beautiful women in this submissive community and I feel honored to be a part it, so thank you for letting me connect with you all in this way.
Well, ready or not here comes another Monday! I hope everybody has a great week :)