Sunday, November 18, 2018

A Whole New Form of Submission

We all want to be sexy, right? Especially to your significant other. Anyone who says that this isn’t important is lying, either aloud or to themselves. Heck, the diet/fitness/fashion/beauty/cosmetic industries thrive on this desire, especially because we really never quite achieve that ideal we’re always seeking. This is especially true as a woman; maybe your experience is different, but I’ve never met a woman who, for example, didn’t want to lose at least five pounds.

Well that’s certainly my story. Okay, so maybe I wasn’t super thin after getting married, but even in college when I worked out for an hour a day and proudly wore a size 0, even then I always wanted a little bit more. Flash forward to the present, after finally getting my (twice) postpartum body back, and my mindset remains much the same. After working SO hard for months and months, I’m thrilled to be back to the size I was nearly a decade ago... mostly. Now I’m not some crazed dieter, I definitely buy into the whole love-your-body campaign, and I’ve been generally very happy with my body plenty of times in my life. But if we’re really honest with ourselves, are any of us ever truly 100% satisfied? I’m talking about being sincerely, blissfully content with one’s own body. Perhaps I am just weak and superficial, but I can’t claim that I have ever truly been in that place.

That is, until this one thing stepped in and swept all of that away. As I sit and type this today I am, much to my own shock and delight, 100% satisfied with my weight. 100%! For the first time in my life. And it’s all thanks to... yep, you guessed it: submission.

When I told Bruce my weight loss goals he asked me what would happen if he ended up preferring me at a different weight. I said of course I would stop if he wished for me to, but I assumed he would really just be fine with my own (reasonable) goal so long as I was being healthy and sensible along the way. So last weekend I proudly announced that I was a mere six pounds from my ultimate weight goal, but after sincerely congratulating me, Bruce told me that he didn’t actually want me to lose anymore. Hmm. I admit my first thoughts were doubtful that he really knew that this is what he wanted, but he insisted that he is certain, and if I want to put my money where my mouth is then I have to accept that. After all, I really would rather be the size that he wants than the size that I want.

So after letting all of this settle in for a few days, I have found myself in the most incredible place; Bruce has given me the gift of -total- satisfaction with my body. How many times have I ended a thought with “well, if I lose a bit of weight...”, and now that is just not part of the equation at all. At all! I’ve accepted his preference as my own, and suddenly this dangling carrot, the one that probably would have loomed just ahead of me forever, has simply disappeared. And now I’ve freed up a section of my thoughts and energy that I can put towards a dozen other more important things. All because I fully submitted a part of myself to him. It is a beautiful, liberating, enlightening thing. And yes I worked hard to get here, but left to my own devices I still probably never would have been fully satisfied.

And all of this because I fully and truly submitted to him in this area of my life. I stopped worrying, I stopped obsessing, in fact I stopped thinking and just simply trusted him and submitted. And I feel more beautiful and self confident than I ever have. In fact now that I think about it, every time I give in and give something over to him, something good almost always follows :)

1 comment:

  1. That is really wonderful to hear. It would be so nice having your partner say he wants to you stop and you are both happy with your weight. Congratulations!
    Hugs Lindy xx