Thursday, March 5, 2020

We’re All Still Out Here

Hey all. I remember browsing online when we were new to all of this, and seeing how people sort of stopped posting after the first year or so. I remember thinking “yikes, that must be the average lifespan of this lifestyle...?”

That thought made me decide I absolutely had to get back on here and submit at least one new freaking post, for goodness sake. If you are new to this, please know that this lifestyle does not die away after a year or two, it just becomes less of a novelty. Without any intentionality I believe the novelty fading is enough to make a lot of couples stop. But if adopting these roles is a priority for you then it doesn’t fade away.

With two toddlers and highly taxing full time jobs Bruce and I are not as consistent as I’d like, but this dynamic is still undeniably present in our lives. A few times a month he uses DD as a tool to help me STOP ruining the evening or daytime with my emotions, and about once a week I get light(ish) maintenance. He works to lead the family honorably, and he with me on doing what he says when he says (not on my own time). I work to appreciate him and be respectful to him regardless of my current emotions or the kind of day I have had.

Submission is a journey for sure, as is leadership. But we are growing and adapting to the craziness of life, and working to keep these priorities at the forefront. Stay the course friends- mindlessly grating against each other with the ebb and flow of life’s chaos is far inferior to continually working to restore balance, order and harmony in your home. It is a beautiful endeavor and it is worth it!

Even when the novelty wears off :)

Sunday, November 17, 2019

Someone to Watch Over Me...

Hi all, Happy Sunday. So I’m thinking about how I need to get back into making submissive goals for myself, and this week I decided to try giving a really sincere back rub every night while hearing about his day... he loves back rubs and I give him a bit of one here and there pretty regularly, but rarely is it a two-hands-and-all-eyes-on-you kind of back rub. I think this will convey respect and appreciation nicely.

So where’s my motivation, right? It is so pivotal to motivate oneself, otherwise the thing you know you should do just never gets done. Or at least that’s how I am! Well we decorated for Christmas this weekend, and I know that is so early. I just absolutely love Christmas, and to me no thanksgiving is complete without preparing for and coming home from that family dinner to a house glowing with Christmas lights... in college I would decorate as early as the beginning of November, but when we got married Bruce insisted we must wait until November 15 at the earliest. So upon my request, this weekend we made a huge deal about it officially being Christmastime to our two toddlers, we made Christmas cookies, put little trees in each of their rooms, etc. It was wonderful! And now here I sit, on November 17, sipping wine in our living room that is softly lit by our beautiful tree and garland by the fireplace. And as usual after the kids are in bed this time of year, instrumental Christmas music plays softly in the background, and there is a kind of coziness that is just so fulfilling to me.

Anyway, Chris Botti (famous trumpet player) has a number of Christmas tunes in my 2+ Hour long “Christmas Chill” playlist (I have four different Christmas playlists for many different times and purposes, ha). One of the tunes, perhaps on accident, briefly diverges into Gershwin’s “Someone to Watch Over Me,” and I sat and listened, curled up like a contented cat in my little Christmas bubble, I looked over at Bruce absorbed in doing his thing. Not only is he kind about my obsession with Christmastime, but he wholeheartedly got behind our decorating this weekend, and will lovingly allow me to play soft Christmas music every evening, and fall asleep to the light of our Christmas tree in our bedroom (at least I bought a dimmer, ha) every night for the next 38 days. So loving and kind of him, to be sure. But the way more loving and beautiful thing he will do over the next several weeks is fully accept and embrace Christmastime because he is open to seeing things my way. He sincerely loves it and enjoys it by now, even though he was super overwhelmed and only tolerant of it when we were first married.

What a man! It is so easy to lose sight of the fact that he deserves a devoted, intent backrub every night, and then some! But this week, in the first full week of my Christmastime enjoyment, I will try to remember and honor this fact every single night.

Motivation accomplished :)<3 span="">

Saturday, November 2, 2019

Hi, I’m Kate...

Hellooo blogland! It has been almost exactly a year since my last post- wow! For some reason I woke up this morning with the thought that my disappearance from blogland might give the impression that this lifestyle fades away after a while, and I don’t want people new to the lifestyle thinking that this is true. It isn’t! 

The truth about my absence is that I just cannot find the time for anything outside of my job, my toddlers, and my marriage. I do not understand how people keep up with social media, etc... I can barely keep up on the basics, let alone find time to socialize! I am absent from social media in my regular life as well, although I know I need to get into it more to keep up with the rest of the world. 

Am I crazy? What am I missing to make it all fit into my regular routine? My typical day looks like this:
- Wake up, get ready, get my toddlers ready, drop them off with Grandma
- Commute to my service-job in a underserved community (my job exhausts me in every way)
- Work frantically all day, without even a lunch break, until I have to relieve Grandma
- Commute back to Grandma, take my toddlers home
- Struggle to straighten up the house, cook dinner, and spend quality time with my kids
- Greet Bruce when he arrives home, eat dinner with the family
- Clean up after dinner, have family time (usually ends up being an hour or less)
- Bedtime routine and bedtime for our kids, finished by 8:00
- Depending on the day of the week, we then:
       a) progress to date night (3 days a week, so no phones, etc)
       b) go to bed early night (1 day a week, we literally brush our teeth and get in bed immediately)
       c) have family night (1 day a week we spend the evening with a non-immediate family member)
       d) personal time (2 days Bruce does his thing, I usually fall asleep pretty quickly on the couch)

Where do I fit social media into my life? The two nights I fall asleep on the couch I suppose..? I just barely have energy to do anything but sleep at this point! And no kidding, 8:00 p.m. is generally the FIRST opportunity I have to respond to any texts I’ve gotten throughout the day. Surely we are just in a crazy-busy phase of life, right? I hope that’s it, otherwise I am doing something terribly wrong to never find the time to do the thing that pretty much everyone does pretty much every day.

But I suppose I do have naptime on Saturdays- that is the time I am using right now! So for starters I’d like to start taking this time to try to catch up on messenger and my personal email, and regularly drop a line in the land of DD blogging (you know, an entry that is actually about DD). Will this actually happen? Who knows... I guess we’ll find out next week!

Sunday, November 18, 2018

A Whole New Form of Submission

We all want to be sexy, right? Especially to your significant other. Anyone who says that this isn’t important is lying, either aloud or to themselves. Heck, the diet/fitness/fashion/beauty/cosmetic industries thrive on this desire, especially because we really never quite achieve that ideal we’re always seeking. This is especially true as a woman; maybe your experience is different, but I’ve never met a woman who, for example, didn’t want to lose at least five pounds.

Well that’s certainly my story. Okay, so maybe I wasn’t super thin after getting married, but even in college when I worked out for an hour a day and proudly wore a size 0, even then I always wanted a little bit more. Flash forward to the present, after finally getting my (twice) postpartum body back, and my mindset remains much the same. After working SO hard for months and months, I’m thrilled to be back to the size I was nearly a decade ago... mostly. Now I’m not some crazed dieter, I definitely buy into the whole love-your-body campaign, and I’ve been generally very happy with my body plenty of times in my life. But if we’re really honest with ourselves, are any of us ever truly 100% satisfied? I’m talking about being sincerely, blissfully content with one’s own body. Perhaps I am just weak and superficial, but I can’t claim that I have ever truly been in that place.

That is, until this one thing stepped in and swept all of that away. As I sit and type this today I am, much to my own shock and delight, 100% satisfied with my weight. 100%! For the first time in my life. And it’s all thanks to... yep, you guessed it: submission.

When I told Bruce my weight loss goals he asked me what would happen if he ended up preferring me at a different weight. I said of course I would stop if he wished for me to, but I assumed he would really just be fine with my own (reasonable) goal so long as I was being healthy and sensible along the way. So last weekend I proudly announced that I was a mere six pounds from my ultimate weight goal, but after sincerely congratulating me, Bruce told me that he didn’t actually want me to lose anymore. Hmm. I admit my first thoughts were doubtful that he really knew that this is what he wanted, but he insisted that he is certain, and if I want to put my money where my mouth is then I have to accept that. After all, I really would rather be the size that he wants than the size that I want.

So after letting all of this settle in for a few days, I have found myself in the most incredible place; Bruce has given me the gift of -total- satisfaction with my body. How many times have I ended a thought with “well, if I lose a bit of weight...”, and now that is just not part of the equation at all. At all! I’ve accepted his preference as my own, and suddenly this dangling carrot, the one that probably would have loomed just ahead of me forever, has simply disappeared. And now I’ve freed up a section of my thoughts and energy that I can put towards a dozen other more important things. All because I fully submitted a part of myself to him. It is a beautiful, liberating, enlightening thing. And yes I worked hard to get here, but left to my own devices I still probably never would have been fully satisfied.

And all of this because I fully and truly submitted to him in this area of my life. I stopped worrying, I stopped obsessing, in fact I stopped thinking and just simply trusted him and submitted. And I feel more beautiful and self confident than I ever have. In fact now that I think about it, every time I give in and give something over to him, something good almost always follows :)

Sunday, November 4, 2018

Filtering Speech

Apologies for not replying to comments, there is a kink in my blogger account that I’m trying to get sorted out, and it won’t let me comment at all.

I apologized to Bruce this week for just not being submissive like I want to be, specifically in what I’ve been saying. I’ve not been sassing or anything blatantly disrespectful, just not deferring to him like I should be. I need that submissive filter, and it generally just hasn’t been there. Here are the worst *completely unfiltered* things I’ve been guilty of saying at least once recently:

(When feeling needy)
“Did you even notice that...”
Yikes. With a filter I would just respectfully come out with it: “Could you give me verbal affirmation whenever you think of it? That helps me a lot.”

(When feeling overwhelmed)
- - - [as in no response]
With a filter I would face the diaper blowout or toddler meltdown and say “I know you’re tired honey. I can get this one.”

(When feeling appreciative)
“Thanks baby.”
Filtered this should be way more specific and articulate: “Wow thanks for wiping up the kitchen after also helping me feed the kids. Especially after working all day! Dinner was way more manageable and enjoyable this way.”

(When frustrated or upset)
“Seriously?” or “Come on.”
With a filter this could be more like: “Do we definitely have to do this right now?” or “Could we possibly do this thing differently?”

So there’s my homework. I’ve been fixing a couple of these pretty consistently, but some are still happening here and there. I know better, and Bruce certainly deserves better. But even if he didn’t, it’s just the right way to do things. I’m on it, and blogging more specifically about this helped a lot. Hopefully this post will eventually help someone else along the way too.

Have a great week everyone :)

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Real Fantasies

Isn’t it funny how most fantasies logistically cannot become reality? I’m talking about the type of fantasies that literally cannot play out the way we imagine or daydream that they should. DD fantasies are like that I think!

I always fantasize that Bruce and I have a terrible argument, and he rescues us from it by lovingly and authoritatively pulling me over his lap, and says something about how he loves me or is willing to fight for us or something wonderful that makes me melt with affection. He spanks me long and hard, and when he’s finished we have passionate sex, then complete the evening in each other’s arms. This is a fantasy I’ve always had in my head. Well a few nights ago nearly that exact series of events actually happened, but it really wasn’t at all like I had imagined it before. Now for me just having a man that is willing to do even some of the above is a fantasy in itself, and that fantasy does translate beautifully into reality. Unfortunately neither of us use DD as often as we should, but we do both know that it’s worth the extra effort in the long run.

So just for fun I want to break down the fantasy vs reality of the above scenario...

1) A heated argument is halted by Bruce kindly but firmly pulling me over his lap
- Fantasy: I melt over the affection behind the gesture
- Reality: I did feel vaguely thankful, but I was still wrapped up in the argument, so mostly I just felt conflicted and unsettled

2) He gives me a long hard spanking
- Fantasy: the spanking hurts enough for me to feel his authority, but is mostly just hot
- Reality: the spanking hurt so badly I could not think of anything past the discomfort, and I was nowhere near being turned on

3) We have passionate sex afterward
- Fantasy: we segue perfectly into lovemaking, and it’s amazingly spiced up
- Reality: ok it was still amazing, but it took some time for us to get into it and shift gears from the emotional gravity of such a hard spanking

4) We end the scenario in a loving embrace
- Fantasy: he holds me tight, tells me I am forgiven, that I’ve taken it well, etc... all very eloquently and affectionately...
- Reality: he held me tight and told me he loves me. Those are two major things for sure, but I either had to infer or verbally confirm the other “aftercare” stuff- this is just the way he is, and I love who he is so that’s okay

So fantasy and reality can mix a bit, but here was this almost-identical scenario, and I just couldn’t help but notice the absurdity of my fantasy. A hard spanking that is mostly just hot? In my experience that’s just literally not a thing at all! And having perfect clarity in the midst of a heated argument? I can’t ever see the bigger picture when I’m worked up emotionally. I guess my takeaway is that fantasies are so unrealistic that we wouldn’t even like them if they happened exactly as we imagined. I love that he spanked me to get through to me and not just to turn me on, and the reason the gesture was so beautiful in the first place is that I wasn’t willing to accept it but he made the effort to propose and insist on what he knew would get us back on the same page.

Maybe I’m a space cadet, but I really do feel like I’m living a fantasy with him. Still, the fantasy is never “perfect,” and sometimes it really isn’t a fantasy at all. Because let’s be real: marriage is a commitment, women and men think differently, emotions are sticky, and anything worth doing it gruellingly hard work. This is especially true of putting the other first! We’re not where we want to be, but I believe we are traveling in the correct direction. Everything’s a journey right? And boy am I enjoying the ride ;)

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Fighting the Good Fight!

Hi all! Life is always hard work, but it’s been a decent couple of weeks. I so enjoyed writing to Bruce via blog, and I think he liked it too. He came to me one night last week and hugged me, saying he just read my post (he occasionally reads them the night after I post, but it usually takes him a few days to get around to it- I so appreciate that he does it at all!). I hugged him back and waited for him to say whatever else he might say about the post. It was actually sort of funny though: he said “I love you so much baby. I really do need to be spanking your ass more often lately.” I nearly choked on my spit and said something to the effect of ‘wait, that’s not where I was going with that,’ but he just smiled and patted my bottom. Then he said how much better we are (and specifically how much better I am) when he is doing it more often. I politely assented like a good submissive wife, ha.

It’s funny, I do certainly feel we fulfill our roles more easily when he is spanking me regularly. But it just really hurts! I was chatting with my friend Madeline about this a while ago, it’s like starting back up at anything tough in that it’s just hard to seek out when you know it wont be entirely pleasant. Or be pleasant at all!

So I’ve been spanked three times since then, two of those times hard enough that I really wanted it to stop, which as I’ve mentioned is helpful to me even though I dread it more. Three times in two weeks is certainly not as frequent as it has been in the past, but it’s still helpful. I’ve definitely been more conscious of what he is feeling or thinking lately, although I admit I’ve still struggled with tone when feeling hurt or unheard.

Did I mention that I’m also dieting right now? Ha, it sounds silly, but calorie reduction really does take a toll on my overall energy and positivity. I’m average weight since recovering from Baby #2, but back in college and graduate school I was super thin, and I’d love to get back there again. I owe it to Bruce, not to be thinner necessarily I think he is happy either way, but when I am thinner I feel more confident and that affects everything; initiating intimacy, dressing the way he likes, going the extra mile in my overall appearance, etc. Also I feel so feminine and dainty when I am smaller! Maybe it’s in my head, but I think it affects Bruce’s masculinity and protective nature too, and I love that. Anyway I’m really hitting it hard right now, eating right and controlling portions, skipping sugars and exercising regularly, the whole nine yards. And overall it’s working! But overall I am more worn out, more irritable, and mentally just weaker if that makes any sense. So silly or not, it is a very real factor in my submission. We’re also still in a sort of impermanent place right now with Bruce’s career, but overall I think we’re in a good place with that.

Stress is still a factor though, undeniably. And stress can really ero de a relationship, so we’re actively fighting that. This week we’re going to try to set everything down (even our toddlers) when he gets home, and sit with each other for just five minutes to reconnect about our days and state of mind. We’re also hugging more than once a day (you know, endorphins and all of that), and trying to make a point of sharing what is currently and specifically making us feel overwhelmed or stressed, even though Bruce reserves the right to add the stipulation of not discussing whatever it is. Just stating it will at least give me a better insight into his state of mind, and that will help both of us plenty.

I love this man of mine. We are fighting the good fight- it’s an uphill battle, but it is so worth it! It is so helpful for me to go back and read previous posts about past struggles, etc. Submission lull or not, we have come a long way overall! I almost wish our kids could read this someday when they are feeling lonely over the fact that marriage is a lot of work, but then I remember that they would be irrevocably scarred knowing that Mommy ever had a sex-related blog about Daddy. Yikes, talk about nightmares.

Speaking of blog reading, I cannot describe how much I appreciate the comments and private messages. There are so many beautiful women in this submissive community and I feel honored to be a part it, so thank you for letting me connect with you all in this way.

Well, ready or not here comes another Monday! I hope everybody has a great week :)